This post discusses what men need in sex for a satisfying sex life and the five best tips for better sex with your husband.
It is no secret that men love sex, and we always look for tips for better sex.
There was that stat that men think about sex every seven seconds.
That sounds crazy intrusive, and I can imagine that would make it hard to conquer or focus on anything other than getting laid.
Of course, I don’t know how accurate that number is, and any guy I have asked laughed at this “fact,” saying if that were the case, they wouldn’t get anything done unless they castrate themselves.
I agree; men probably don’t think of sex every seven seconds.
Hopefully, that is encouraging.
How about this, would you be happy to hear what men want in bed is likely more out of sex than just him reaching his climax?
Yeah, men want more out of a satisfying sex life with you than just getting their rocks off any time they need just for a physical release.
Sex for men and women is not just one-dimensional; a lot goes into both parties to feel good, loved, and satisfied with their sex life.
If you are looking for ways to spice up sex life energies, this post will review the five best tips for better sex with your husband.
Tips for Better Sex
All in all, tips for better sex for both men and women are more than just reaching climax.
After all, if that was all we were after, in this day and age, we don’t technically need partners to do that.
With crazy creative sex toys or creepy realistic sex dolls, there has never been an easier time to satisfy ourselves sexually.
We still pursue a loving, satisfying sexual relationship with our partners because there is and always will be more to sex than just an animal act urges us.
In The 5 Sex Needs of Men & Women, by Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg, three separate tips for better sex make your man sexually tick.
No, it isn’t just laying there motionless as he uses you as a masturbation toy to get his release or telling him to use his hand if he’s that hard up (lol, pun intended.)
They have surveyed hundreds of men and women to determine what they value most in a satisfying sexual relationship.
They found the top 3 tips for better sex for men and elaborated on them.
Knowing these factors can help you better understand your man and what would satisfy him better.
Then, we’ll go over some tips for better sex that transformed my own sex life in my marriage!
Therefore he can satisfy you better, leading you both down a path of a beautiful, healthy, and satisfying sex life that your friends will be jealous of!
1. Mutual Sexual Satisfaction
” They say it’s not so much the destination as it is the journey.” – Captain Jack Sparrow.
I bet you were pleasantly shocked to see this need so high on the list for men! I’m sure you were thinking:
“Oh, I’m sure physical release is probably the most important thing for a man sexually.”
Nope.
This is one of the more surprising tips for better sex; men care about the overall experience, not just the big O!
Although I am not denying the very deep, biological need for men to have their sexual release, it isn’t the most important aspect for them to feel satisfied sexually, believe it or not.
This is one of the most helpful tips for better sex.
After talking about this with my husband, he also validated this by pointing out factors in our sex life.
Sometimes, neither of us would climax during sex, but my husband felt good and satisfied, much to my confusion.
He said he loves our closeness and the physical touch more than anything, and he doesn’t even need to climax every time to feel sexually satisfied.
He loved that we were intimate and close, and we enjoyed each other despite the times he didn’t climax.
Which why this mutual satisfaction need makes sense.
If men want you to feel satisfied, and they can satisfy you, their climaxing is like the cherry on top of a fantastic dessert on a hot July afternoon!
Mutual satisfaction is one of the vital tips for better sex.
They Get Off on Getting You Off
Men want to satisfy their wives.
They want to know they put you in flushed pleasure while intimate with you.
Want to know how to please your husband?
They want you to enjoy yourself!
One of the tips for better sex is to enjoy said sex, girl!
Tell him what you like!
In the book, 67% of men listed mutual satisfaction as their top sex need.
That is their ultimate ego boost, knowing they satisfy their woman in bed.
They can walk around with their chests puffed out, knowing they had you engulfed in pleasure while in their arms, and they love knowing they gave it to you.
It is downright depressing for a man to know his wife isn’t satisfied sexually or doesn’t enjoy intimacy with them.
It isn’t just about them getting off; they want to try hard to get you to climax and ensure you feel good, loved, and satisfied sexually.
This means being open and communicative about what you enjoy during sex, don’t leave it a guessing game for him; I promise he won’t do as good of a job as you guiding him to what pleases you.
That way, you both have mutually satisfying sex.
One of the best tips for better sex is communicating!
Related Reading: Porn Addiction: 11 Recovered Addicts Share Their Stories
Therapy Transcript
Here is a transcript from a counseling session with a patient Dr. Gary had that he used in his book The 5 Sex Needs of Men & Women:
Brian: “I’ve never felt so alone.”
Dr. Gary: “Why do you say that?”
Brian: “Paula and I used to make love all the time. Then we started to go for long periods without sex. Now we just don’t have it at all.”
Dr. Gary: “When was the last time?”
Brian: “Eight months ago.”
Dr. Gary: “Why so long?”
Brian: “I don’t know, for several months I waited for her to bring it up to show some desire, that she missed having sex with me. When I finally mustered up the courage to ask her about it, she said, ‘I just don’t need it.’ When I told her I did, she said, ‘Well, I could lie there and let you do your thing.’”
Dr. Gary: “And did you do that?”
Brian: “For a while I did, I needed a release. But it was awful for both of us. I don’t want sex with Paula if she’s not into it too. I need to know she’s enjoying it as much as I am. I need to know that I’m pleasing her and that she’s interested in pleasing me.”
I feel Brian’s situation is pretty common.
Women can go a long while without even thinking about sex.
We don’t need it like men do, so removing it from the equation is easy.
One woman in the book even said marriage would be a dream if she didn’t have to have sex with her husband!
That atomic bomb should have been dropped on her man before getting married, but I digress.
One of the best tips for better sex you can remember is how much our men thrive off a physical touch.
Never Have or Receive Pity Sex
This is one of the most important tips for better sex.
Yes, men need a physical release. The testosterone build-up in their bodies warrants this.
However, unless they are a selfish, narcissistic, self-absorbed a-hole that doesn’t consider the needs of anyone but their own (I am not denying those men exist), your man needs you to feel pleasure and feel satisfied sexually for him too.
Even before reading this book, I have had conversations with men virtually saying the same thing.
How their girlfriend or wife does a “starfish” where they just lay there motionless like a corpse waiting for their husbands to finish.
How is that remotely satisfying for either party?
Nobody wants to be given pity sex or give pity sex, nor is that healthy.
I see it so often in Reddit’s /DeadBedroom forum.
The one giving pity sex starts to become repulsed by their partner.
Then the one receiving pity sex feels gross because they know their partner isn’t into it.
This only drives them both further apart, not closer together.
The exact opposite of what intimacy is supposed to do for a couple.
Nobody wants just to be used as a human fleshlight, and a man would rather have sex with a fleshlight than a woman who would instead not be having sex with them.
This is one of the essential tips for better sex, do nothing out of pity, please!
Our Men Vibe Off Our Vibes
If my mind is elsewhere, I notice a difference in my husband during sex.
This was one of the more surprising tips for better sex.
Sometimes it is hard to turn off our lady brains from life, work, kids all that junk. I notice he will follow my lead and respond to me.
When I get my brain to turn off and be with him at the moment and are more involved, he honestly responds to that and gets even more into it; then I get more into it so on and so forth.
I realized my husband gets turned on by me being turned on and into it.
It also works the other way.
If I lose my enthusiasm, so does he.
Making Love Makes Them Feel Like a Man
A man who values your enjoyment and pleasure during sex genuinely can’t just use your body for his physical release.
Having sex with a woman that doesn’t want to be there is not enjoyable for most men.
This indicates that most men feel both parties need to enjoy it and be satisfied for their sexual relationship to be successful.
“A good sexual relationship is one in which both husband and wife experience satisfaction during lovemaking.”
– Dr. Gary Rosberg
Gary has found in his many years of counseling that men feel the manliest when pleasing their wives sexually.
He found that nearly half of the men he has counseled align their self-worth with their sexuality.
If he is good in bed and makes you feel good, that is the ultimate stamp of approval for a man’s worth.
Crazy, but true.
Related Reading: 9 Biggest Predictors and Reasons for Divorce
2. Emotional Connection
I didn’t think this factor would even be on the list!
Do men want an emotional connection for sex?
What? Really?
Yep!
Ensuring you both have a tight emotional connection is one of the best tips for better sex in your marriage!
Contrary to what we have been beaten down into believing, men are very emotional creatures.
They rarely receive that much affection at all compared to us women.
They aren’t nearly as emotionally open or vulnerable with their dude friends.
They are hardly a shoulder to cry on and generally don’t have the emotional outlets we women have, such as our girlfriends and family members with whom we can be emotionally open.
Remembering that men are emotional beings and bringing that into the bedroom is one of the most enlightening tips for better sex.
Our Men Only Have Us
Yes, that can be intimidating, but it is also empowering.
Knowing we are the sole source of our man’s emotional connections and affection is endearing and makes us unique to them.
Only we can give them the emotional intimacy they don’t get anywhere else.
I’m not just talking about sex. I’m talking about nonsexual emotional connection.
Yes!
Men need this too!
One of the best tips for better sex is to marinate each other throughout the day!
They want to be marinated throughout the day knowing you love them just like us!
This is as simple as holding hands, winking at each other, gentle flirtations, cute texts, hugging, all these nonsexual connections men love.
Also, this is why men are so damn easily swept off their feet by some chick at work, believing they met the love of their life.
If their partner isn’t giving them simple, nonsexual, emotional connections, some rando at work will make him feel like he’s Jude Law for simply complimenting him on his shirt that day.
Less is More
Here is an example. This is a post from r/DeadBedrooms on Reddit:
“We were at a get-together, nice sunny day, all of us outside, and she walked up behind me and gave me kind of a side hug.
She put her arm around me and leaned against me for a few minutes. It felt really nice; it gave me a feeling I hadn’t felt in a really long time.
It made me think, and I’m pretty sure it’s been years since she walked up to me and initiated some loving touch.
I wish she would do it more often. It was one of those things that felt so good; it made me realize how badly I’ve been hurting.”
Straight up, all this guy’s wife did was hug a friendly side you would give to an acquaintance.
This made him feel amazing.
Just a simple hug and loving touch.
If you’re looking at tips for better sex, knowing men need connection outside of sex, just like we do, can do a lot for the bedroom.
We want to feel loved and wanted, and so do they.
Who would have thought tips for better sex would start outside the bedroom first?
Non-Sexual Intimate Touch
Keeping the love and excitement alive outside of the bedroom is one of the most effective tips for better sex there is.
It’s like you’re marinating each other for a fabulous evening together!
And ladies, I know you like being marinated by your partner; it gets us in the mood for sexy time later on!
These little efforts of non-sexual physical touch go a long way in making your man feel emotionally connected with you.
In general, these aren’t laborious expenditures in your day, but what it does take is mindfulness.
This means intentionally removing your mind from your daily autopilot setting to remind yourself to give your man little happy fairy dust throughout your day.
Here are a few tips for better sex to marinate your boo outside the bedroom!
- Morning hug or kiss
- Soft touch on the back of their neck or lower back
- Running your fingers through their hair
- Playing footsie
- Complimenting anything about them or what they have recently done.
- Say you are proud of them. This one is nice. We all just want to make our loved ones proud; it makes us proud. So hearing it feels excellent.
- Listen to them as they enthusiastically explain to you his fantasy sports strategy game plan, even though it goes right over your head every time. Just be excited he is.
- Snuggle while on the couch or in bed.
- Watch Dune or Halo with them even if you have no clue who everyone is or what’s going on; making a cocktail helps.
- Take an interest in one of his interests; this works both ways. My husband finally watched an episode of Bailey Sarien with me, and now he enjoys watching with me.
- Honor what is essential to him. Even if it seems goofy. Recognizing what matters makes him who he is and why he is unique.
You get the point.
Give him that sweet, sweet loving is of the best tips for better sex!
Everyone Wants Love and Attention
All these are potential ways to help them connect emotionally with you and help them feel closer to you.
This could help you feel closer to him as well.
One of the most important tips for better sex is knowing all these small gestures to connect and turn toward your man sets the stage for excellent love-making sessions.
It’s slowly boiling you both up throughout the day.
These tell your man that you view him as a priority, that he is important to you, and that you love him.
All the things a man relishes in knowing how lucky he is to have such a fantastic woman who is so good to him.
If he is a good guy who doesn’t take you for granted, his mission will be to make you the happiest woman in his world and surrender to you.
“Like women, men desire to be understood, listened to, accepted, cared for, encouraged, and given attention. This kind of connection occurs when a wife seeks to learn what’s important to her husband: work, sports, his views, his often guarded emotions.”
“When a wife connects to her husband in these ways, she shows not only the value she places on the relationship but also the value she sees in him.”
Keeping this connection close increases your man’s emotional dependency on you.
An emotional attraction is what keeps a relationship alive and thriving long-term.
We all want to feel close and connected to our partners.
One of the more important tips for better sex for sure.
Related Reading: Why Ayesha and Stephen Curry Put Their Marriage First
3. Emotional and Sexual Responsiveness
Statistically speaking, lack of responsiveness, according to John Gottman’s research, is the biggest indicator of divorce.
The ratio in which you turn away or turn toward your spouse negates the happiness of the overall union.
“Gottman’s research showed that husbands who eventually divorced ignored their wives’ emotional advances 82 percent of the time, compared to only 19 percent for men in stable marriages.”
” Women who later divorced ignored their husbands’ emotional advances 50 percent of the time, while those who remained married disregarded only 14 percent of their husbands’ bids.”
When we turn away from our partners most of the time, it communicates that they aren’t important to us, not a priority, and their wants and needs don’t matter.
I can’t think of a better way to nuke a relationship than this.
This doesn’t mean you have to have sex whenever and wherever they want, regardless of whether you want to.
That isn’t the point.
Giving into most of your man’s sexual advances is.
Part of these tips for better sex means you don’t have to respond every time, just most of the time.
Men are physical beings, and sex is the main course for helping them feel close like communication is for us.
We wouldn’t feel good if our man ignored our emotional needs most of the time.
We would feel unloved, not cared for, and like we don’t matter how men feel when we deny them sex too often.
Staying Connected Sexually Takes Intention
One of the most vital tips for better sex is being sexually connected to your husband.
When we reject sex, they feel unloved, not cared for, and don’t matter.
“The husband greatly desires response from his wife. She can give him this beautiful gift and delight in his heart.
However, judging from my mail and counseling appointments, many women do not understand how important, both physically and psychologically, the sexual relationship is to their husband.
They do not seem to realize that their avoidance of sex or their lack of response will affect their entire marriage in the most negative way.
To the indifferent wife I must give this caution: When there is no physical intimacy between you and your husband, whatever emotional and spiritual closeness you have had will tend to fade as well.”
– Love Life for Every Married Couple, Ed Wheat
Make It A Habit
For many, a sexually satisfied man is incredibly loving, attentive, affectionate, and in a much better mood overall.
I can attest to this.
Our first year postpartum with our daughter was very trying, demanding, and taxing.
Sometimes we would go nearly two weeks without being sexually intimate because we were tired.
Even if we wanted to, we didn’t want to.
However, we would notice a shift in our moods.
We would be short-tempered, easily irritated, impatient, and disconnected.
We would start to notice this.
My husband has a habit tracker on his phone.
He keeps a goal for us to be intimate at least 2x a week and records it.
If we didn’t fulfill our goal, we set a time to be intimate within the next 2 days.
After getting back in the groove, we always felt better.
I felt more connected to my husband; I would be more patient, even-tempered, and more balanced overall.
So would my husband.
Not only that, it’s like a domino effect.
Once we got back at it, it was easy to keep doing it.
We always surpassed our minimum goal and had streaks lasting up to 10 months!
But if we don’t, we could slowly get into a rut and notice the effects of it pretty quickly.
Tracking your sessions to remain consistently intimate is one of the best tips for better sex.
More Sex Means Longer Marriages?
Between books and forums, there seems to be a direct correlation between the longevity and happiness of marriage and the frequency of satisfying sex.
One woman had sex with her husband 7-9x a week and has been happily married for almost 40 years!
In contrast, in Reddit’s /DeadBedroom forum, many miserable folks haven’t had sex in nearly six years.
Many only have sex when their spouse wants another baby.
Being reduced to nothing more but a sperm donor sexually.
What a blow.
In both scenarios, they are unhappy and wither away in their marriages, hoping it changes somehow.
“Satisfaction in your sex life is directly related to the frequency with which you initiate connection and respond to your spouse’s attempt to connect with you.”
After all, it is a particular activity reserved only for that special person.
It is incredibly exclusive, making your man feel like he is the VIP in your life and vice versa.
Knowing they reserve this act only for you and you alone feel special.
That is why cheating hurts so much.
When someone else knows your partner intimately, only you are supposed to know is devastating.
Tips for better sex means being as responsive as possible to your man’s sexual advances will help you feel closer and more connected.
Spicing up the marriage you’re in to keep it alive and fun will do wonders for your marriage morale.
4. Ditch the Porn
This isn’t from the book, but I figured I would add a couple of tips that helped my husband and I reach a delicious and mutually satisfying sex life!
It’s one of the best tips for better sex.
With today’s unfortunate porn-obsessed culture, wives struggle to compete with the porn their husbands watch daily.
If you have read my Porn Addiction: 11 Recovered Addicts Share Their Stories, you will see how harmful porn consumption is for your man’s health and your overall relationship.
If your man wastes his virility and sexual energy on internet porn instead of coming to you, he won’t have as much left for you, which means less satisfying sex for you both and him turning to porn again.
Once my husband and I quit watching porn, I couldn’t believe the difference in our sex lives.
I was way more attracted to my husband, and my husband felt the same about me; we crave each other constantly, and we can’t keep our hands off each other…we are honestly like love-struck horny little teenagers, lol.
Why wouldn’t we be?
We aren’t throwing away our sexual energy for fake internet stimulation but instead reserving it for each other, which makes sparks fly in the bedroom, girl!
We have been porn free for years, and I can honestly say its one of the biggest influential factors for why we not only are happily married still but are more attracted now than we were when we first met and have way better and more frequent sex than our honeymoon stage when we were still both watching porn at the beginning of our dating days.
Studies have found that relationships where one party is consuming porn, are more at risk for cheating; they’re less committed than porn-free relationships and less satisfying.
I can attest to this; since ditching porn, my relationship with my husband has been more loyal, passionate, deliciously satisfying, and committed than during our porn consumption days.
Ultimately porn fucks up our reward circuitry massively, leaving us highly stimulated and wanting more and more, taking us away from our spouse and making real sex not nearly as satisfying or exciting.
Don’t believe me?
Make a pact with your husband to ditch porn for one month, and I guarantee you the results you experience will be amazing.
Ditching porn is one of the best tips for better sex I’ve ever experienced.
For more education on the devastating effects porn has on our men’s health and relationships, read Your Brain on Porn.
5. Maca + Horny Goat Weed
When looking for tips for better sex, leveling up with a supplement is a great way to start!
I have been an avid consumer of Maca for over ten years now.
Maca Root is native to Peru and treasured for its medicinal healing properties.
Maca has been known to help increase fertility by regulating your cycle and elevating egg quality.
Not only that, Maca really gets those sexy juices flowing, meaning it turns you on, girl!
Maca is a great supplement for increasing your libido, and rather fast too!
I notice a difference after only a couple of days of taking it!
Since it helps increase libido and drives more blood to your reproductive organs, I’m pleased to say it will also make sex feel much better.
I use the 1500MG Organic Maca Root Capsules, and I love them.
It also doesn’t hurt to get your man on a libido supplement.
Men usually gravitate toward Horny Goat Weed.
Horny Goat Weed was used as an aphrodisiac in Chinese medicine to help cure Erectile Dysfunction in men.
It helps regulate testosterone and increase blood flow ( including his manly bits ), both immensely help in the bedroom!
If you take Maca and your man takes Horny Goat Weed, you will likely have significantly more pleasurable experiences in the bedroom.
Satisfying Monogamous Sex Takes Effort
Sometimes we think that the hormonal blast we receive at the beginning of our relationships will fuel our sexual intimacy forever with little or no effort.
However, experts have found the sexual honeymoon phase can only fuel your sexual relationship solely for so long.
Two years max is what they found.
After that, everything is more effort to stay connected intimately and sexually.
You no longer have the help of hormones flooding your body with a novelty partner, keeping this fresh and exciting.
Bring into your marriage, work, life, kids, stress, bills, in-laws, all this into the mix doesn’t exactly make being in the mood easy.
Everything has to become intentional and mindful, but it doesn’t have to be a chore.
Being intentional in maintaining a satisfying sexual relationship for both parties is worth it for your happiness and health!
These sex tips for better sex aren’t meant to make you feel inadequate, or you should put out for your husband when you don’t want to.
These tips for better sex only work if you both want a more satisfying sex life and are willing to do your part in that mission.
