This post covers the 10 common signs your husband may have sexual narcissist tendencies or sexual narcissism.
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Key: (*) prevents Google from mistaking this post for p*rnographic content.
This post is not intended to replace medical advice nor is it a medical diagnosis. For informational purposes only.
Statistically speaking, every narcissist closely operates with around 1-4 people who are subject to their abuse. This means roughly 6 million Americans have a narcissistic personality, meaning 100 MILLION Americans are narcissistic abuse survivors.
That’s damn near a third of the US population who were subject to a narcissist’s abusive nature.
Much of the narcissism that unfolds in society by men is sexual narcissism.
Does your husband feel entitled to your body? Does he make you feel bad when you aren’t 100% available for him sexually at all times? Does he make you feel your lack of sexual satisfaction is your fault?
These are all signs that your husband could be exhibiting traits of sexual narcissism.
For far too long, sex has been taught to us through the lens that only men are sexual, need sex, and enjoy sex.
Connecting sexually is far more than achieving sexual pleasure as quickly and easily as possible.
Too many women and wives do not have the sexual satisfaction that they deserve, with an org*sm gap of nearly 45%!!!
Sex is not just an activity that men benefit from, nor is it something they are owed.
As a mama and wife of a fantastic husband who is sexually selfless and gives me the love, protection, security, pleasure, and tenderness that all women deserve, it truly breaks my heart and, quite frankly, pisses me off that so many women are subject to a sexually narcissist husband.
Healthy sex in relationships is where you benefit from sex with your husband just as much as he benefits from you. Many wives don’t realize their husbands are sexually selfish or sexual narcissists.
In the age of sexual overstimulation with p*rn, dating apps, social media with fake Instagram models, only fans, Reddit p*rn, creepy sex dolls, and bizarre sex toys, it’s no wonder sexual narcissism is on the rise.
Narcissism and sex make a dangerous mix girl.
Here are 10 common signs your husband may sexual narcissist tendencies or may have sexual narcissism.
1. He’s Entitled To Your Body
Nothing says “I’m a sexual narcissist,” like believing you own someone else’s body for your own pleasure.
Thanks to outdated and extremist evangelical teachings and our sexually overstimulated modern culture, many husbands feel entitled to their wives sexually than ever before.
Old school evangelical culture taught that sex was a “conjugal right” of the husband…and “depriving” him of such is a sin against God.
However, saying no to your husband sometimes isn’t depriving him. No God would want you to suffer sexually or have sex you don’t want.
Your body does not belong to him, and he has no right to it.
Sex is a privilege and the fruit of an emotionally healthy and vulnerable relationship..not an entitlement simply because he put a ring on it.
Too many husbands believe they only need to consider your needs before marriage.
Now that he has you, he’s entitled to sex with you whenever and wherever he wants, regardless of how you feel or your experience…this attitude could breed sexual narcissism.
Marriage takes effort; if he wants a healthy sex life with you, he should view you as a person who also has needs and isn’t always available sexually, and he understands that because he doesn’t view you as an object for his sexual gratification.
Our toxic modern culture around sex, along with p*rn culture, has reduced sex and objectified our bodies to nothing more than a means to his climax. If he feels entitled to your body, he’s objectified it.
“A wife is not a body to use but a person to love.” – The Emotionally Destructive Marriage.
2. He Stonewalls You or Pouts For Saying No
If you say no to your husband after initiating, he can feel upset and disappointed. He is entitled to his feelings, and they are valid.
However, this isn’t an excuse to punish you through pouting, stonewalling, or shaming you for not being sexually available.
This response is more likely to result in a dead bedroom in the long run due to the partner not feeling safe enough to say no and enduring sex they don’t want.
A recipe for resentment and a dead bedroom.
Marriages, where a partner is safe to say no and not be punished emotionally are more likely to have more satisfying and loving sex.
If you’re on your cycle, have a headache, are sick, or pooped after a long day, and the last thing you want to do is have sex, and he makes you feel bad for it, pouts or stonewalls you, these can be signs of sexual narcissism.
Again, he is not entitled to sex with you simply because you’re married.
Stonewalling and pouting are extremely dangerous in an intimate relationship.
According to John Gottman’s research, Stonewalling is so dangerous that it is a predictive factor for divorce with over 90% accuracy.
Not only that, it’s emotionally manipulative and destructive.
Now, this isn’t a case of you never giving in to your husband’s advances because, over time, that will pose a problem.
I’m talking about the handful of times you don’t want to have sex because you’re human and not a vessel for his sexual pleasure whenever he wants it.
A loving, compassionate, and protective husband will honor your wants, needs, and feelings regarding your sexual headspace.
A husband who genuinely loves you for you will honor your sovereignty and take the L for that night, making you feel loved, safe, and vulnerable enough to initiate healthy lovemaking the next day.
You have permission to say no.
Related Reading: 21 Best Tips For Better Sex With Your Husband
3. He Blames You for Your Lackluster Experience
How does a narcissist make love? Selfishly.
Honestly, nothing is more cruel than a husband blaming his wife for her lack of pleasure, enjoyment, and safety during sex.
A husband who blames you for your inability to feel sexual, get turned on, org*sm, or enjoy sex comes off as highly insecure over his virility.
This is not your fault, but ironically, his baggage to deal with.
With old-school extremist Christian sex advice toward men advocating they have a “conjugal right” to sex with their wife, why would they give a sh*t to learn how to help her enjoy it?
Therefore, he’s entitled to pleasure and never learned to be anything other than a self-serving sexual partner.
Not only that, p*rn has given many men who consume it a massively artificially inflated ego over their masculinity, virility, and sexual abilities as sexual partners.
Not to mention an incredibly unrealistic idea of what healthy and loving sex should be.
P*rn is not authentic intimacy.
Still, he also won’t understand why you aren’t screaming with pleasure while being jackhammered like the women in his p*rn.
If he’s the only one enjoying sex and leaves you in a state of sadness, guilt, and disappointment because you didn’t enjoy yourself and he doesn’t care, he is showing signs of sexual narcissism.
No healthy, loving, and honorable husband would put the blame at your feet for such a thing.
He will do everything he can to ensure you receive the love, pleasure, and safety you deserve as a loving wife.
“Sex has been taught primarily through a male lens, mostly by male authors and by male speakers at marriage conferences.
Women’s experiences have been largely overlooked or ignored, while women are seen as tools to help men get what they want.” – The Great Sex Rescue.
4. He Uses P*rn
The best sex advice in 3 words: Don’t Watch Porn.
I may ruffle feathers with this one, but it has to be said…p*rn culture, Only Fans, and Instagram models seem to have bred a massive generation of sexually overstimulated humans and sexual narcissism in men.
P*rn is a highly stimulating and addictive modern drug…you don’t watch it; you use it. Mostly, men use it for their sexual gratification.
It reduces women to sexual objects to be consumed for male sexual gratification and that’s it.
It literally triggers their highest dopamine reward…org*sm.
With their ability to org*sm to women through p*rn, Only Fans, Reddit (yep, there is lots of reddit p*rn for your man to consume), or Instagram, it teaches his brain only to enjoy watching sex and receiving pleasure, not give it or engage in healthy sex.
I.e, their brains get trained to get sexually aroused through voyerism,not engaging in healthy sexual intimacy.
This is why you are seeing a huge influx of men claiming they “need” p*rn to get turned on or to stay aroused.
His brain is trained to want novelty and not have to engage in sex or be bothered by a partner or their sexual needs, only consume.
P*rn trains his brain for his org*sm to be his MO, not a healthy and human sexual experience with their partner.
” Intimacy for couples is a source of connection and communication between two people.
But when one person becomes accustomed to masturbating to p*rn, they are actually turning away from intimate interaction.
While watching p*rnography the user is in total control of the sexual experience, in contrast to normal sex in which people are sharing control with the partner.
Thus a p*rn user may form the unrealistic expectation that sex will be under only one person’s control.” – The Gottman Institute
Too many husbands believe p*rn is the proverbial loophole to get sexual gratification from other women without technically getting physical.
“No honey it’s not cheating, I don’t actually sleep with these women.”
That’s not what the research says!
” Some p*rn users rationalize that p*rnography is ok if it does not involve partnered sexual acts and instead relies only on m*sturbation.
While this may accomplish org*sm the relationship goal of intimate connection is still confounded and ultimately lost.
Worse still, many p*rn sites include violence toward women, the antithesis of intimate connection.
According to Your Brain on P*rn, when your husband climaxes to women through p*rn, Instagram, Reddit or Only Fans, his brain registers sexual satisfaction from another woman… i.e., his brain believes he just had sex with those women.
Not only that, it replicates the dopamine spike similar to that of a heroin addict shooting heroin!
That’s how addictive it is…regardless of the BS, our culture desperately tries to negate otherwise because we’re in denial.
Has your husband struggled to get or keep an erection during sex?
Does he claim he needs p*rn to “warm up” before sex with you?
This isn’t a kink or a means to spice up your relationship, it’s a huge red flag for p*rn addiciton and narcissism.
He’s basically saying: “You’re no longer enough to turn me on, and I must watch highly stimulating outrageous visuals of other women first before I have sex with you.”
How heartbreaking. Essentially, his brain has officially been trained to only get aroused by watching sex, not getting involved in sex.
According to John Gottman’s research and Fighting the New Drug, relationships where one party consumes p*rn are less committed, more at risk for cheating, more likely to become sexless in the long run, and less satisfying than p*rn-free relationships.
This isn’t just sex advice for Christian couples; most, if not all, people in monogamous, especially heterosexual relationships can benefit from being p*rn-free.
If your man is watching p*rn instead or in addition to having sex with you, he’s may be engaging in sexual narcissism tendencies.
“A 2014 study on narcissism and Internet p*rnography found a positive correlation between participants’ Internet use and their narcissism level.
The study also found those who used Internet p*rnography had higher levels of narcissism than those who had never used it.” – Psych Central
See? I’m not just pulling this out of my a** nor am I some religious extremist arbitrarily attempting to ban p*rn (which isn’t the answer) simply because they think “lusting” is bad.
Science and research showcase how bad it is for our sexual, emotional, and spiritual health, not to mention it distorts and disrupts how men view and treat women.
99.99999% of the time p*rn is so flippin sexually toxic, and it breaks my heart how normalized it’s become…it’s like back in the day when nobody knew how bad smoking was for you.
Everyone was doing it and wondering why they were coughing up contents that nobody should ever cough up.
That’s why you have a flurry of husbands who gaslight their wives into believing they are entitled to continue their p*rn consumption. They still have sex with their wives and believe they don’t have a problem… potentially otherwise known as sexual narcissism or sex addict.
“Many have grown up in a p*rn culture and have trained the sexual response cycle to respond to graphic things that can be degrading, dangerous, or unpleasant to the other.
One spouse pressures the other to act out what they’ve seen or that find that “vanilla” sex doesn’t do it for them.
But kind people do not force or pressure their spouses to act out fetishes.
Instead, they dedicate themselves to retraining their brains so that intimacy is what triggers sexual arousal, not only exotic and possibly violent or degrading sex.” – The Great Sex Rescue.
5. He Insists on Using P*rn
This is one of the more telling sexual narcissism signs, I believe.
It’s one thing for your man to be using p*rn and not be aware of the negative implications of it…then have a change of heart once he realizes how much it’s hurting himself, you, and your marriage.
This man is not a sexual narcissist but another poor soul unknowingly wrapped up in the hype and got hooked, likely, like many men who first discover and watch p*rn, when he was no more than 11 years old and knew no better!
Most men, like my husband, quit p*rn cold turkey once they understood how harmful it was and what it was doing to him, our sex life, and the trust in our relationship.
However, it’s quite another if your man doesn’t give a sh*t and insists on using it regardless of how you feel, what it does to your relationship or his health.
I have seen so many wives post distraught on forums over their husbands’ p*rn usage and their husbands’ refusal to give it up.
A husband who chooses p*rn even though he knows it hurts himself, you and is hurting your marriage comes off as a sexual narcissist.
He is no more entitled to get his nut to p*rn than you are entitled to chat up random dudes on Facebook because you are bored and want attention…it’s simply inappropriate behavior for most people in a monogamous heterosexual committed relationship.
If your husband gaslights you about his p*rn usage, saying something like, “It’s my body; you’re just trying to control me!”
He’s being dismissive, accusatory, and defensive, abusive and this is the line addicts and narcissists love to use as they continue to hurt the people they love and continue to prioritize their vice and pleasure over you.
Yes, it is his body, and he is allowed to masturbate.
However, for many monogamous heterosexual relationships, the line gets crossed when he gets sexual gratification through a third party like p*rn, Instagram, Reddit and Only Fans.
According to Your Brain on Porn, a sexually healthy male should be able to reach climax after 2.5 minutes of masturbation without p*rn.
So, no, he should not need p*rn to masturbate or even get aroused.
P*rn and masturbation are not synonymous, even though our oversexualized and narcissistic culture has blurred those lines.
Masturbation without p*rn was the only way to masturbate until the recent decades! Men used to use their imaginations which was actually healthy!
If you are desperate for a better marriage and sex life with your husband, yet he’s clutching his p*rn like Gollum with his Ring, he’s likely a p*rn addict.
He’s choosing p*rn over his health, the health of your marriage, and your satisfying sex life together.
That’s not someone who is prioritizing your boundaries or marriage at all…and that’s certainly not someone who comes from kindness and love, but selfishness and cruelty.
A place only a sexual narcissist can come from.
Related Reading: P*rn Addiction: 11 Recovered Addicts Share Their Stories
6. He Threatens You With Cheating When Sexually Unavailable
This screams sexual narcissism!
Suppose your husband has threatened you with using p*rn or having an affair because you aren’t providing the so-called “adequate” amount of sex he demands.
In that case, he is potentially engaging in serious sexual narcissism and behaving like an absolute d*ck.
A husband who loves you would never blackmail or coerce you into having sex with him out of fear.
Genuine love isn’t motivated by fear or blackmail.
My loves, if this is happening to you, this is dangerously close to domestic abuse.
This is another case of your husband feeling sexually entitled to get his nut whenever and however he wants, regardless of how it makes you feel.
This is truly a toxic relationship, and DO NOT have sex with your husband if this is your dynamic.
Search for domestic abuse help, a local church, or a women’s center to ask for guidance for this sexual dynamic could be a slippery slope headed toward marital rape.
Please, my loves, look out for yourself.
7. He Accepts Your Body Conditionally
Too often, men love the aspect of our bodies that helps them climax but are bothered by the fact our bodies go through changes we can’t help.
A woman who wrote to the author of The Great Sex Rescue explained this perfectly:
“I honestly feel like a lot of men want only the positive aspects of our bodies (i.e., the parts that make them climax) without drawbacks.
Those drawbacks are everything from normal aging to menstruation to the difficulties of childbirth and the effects those have on our bodies and psyches.
Being hot, young, and not on your period or not pregnant is an incredibly short time in a woman’s life, and I have no idea why young men contemplating marriage are not told in the most blunt of terms that being ready for marriage and sex means accepting all of those changes.”
If your man is giving you a hard time because you’re not sexually available for whatever reason, especially for ones you can’t help, like being in the thick of postpartum or the middle of your period..these are potentially signs of sexual narcissism and entitlement.
My husband has never pressured me for sex postpartum or during my periods..or..ever!
He tells me how much he loves my changing body and loves my body for everything that it is, not just the part that makes him climax.
He honors and respects my body in all stages and genuinely believes it’s the most sacred thing in the universe, not just when I’m ripe and ready.
If your man whines about not having sex during your cycle or not being ready postpartum, remind him that this is the last thing to turn you on is his whining.
His sexual “suffering” is benign compared to our uterus shedding during our cycles and healing from a 3rd-degree tear pushing out their child.
He will find your body’s abilities unique, beautiful, and sacred in all its being, even if he isn’t climaxing…that is if he views you as a person and not a vessel for his pleasure.
Related Reading: 7 Practical Ways Parents Can Stay Sexually Connected
8. He Wants To Climax Quickly & Efficiently
What do narcissists want sexually? Their nut, regardless of your experience.
This means your sex sessions are all business—no loving tenderness, caressing, foreplay, kissing, or anything.
He hops on, pumps a few times, climaxes, then turns over and sleeps.
If sex to him means he reaches climax as quickly as possible, you are merely a human masturbation vessel.
This communicates to you: “I don’t care nor want to know you because your wants and needs are burdensome and interfere with my ability to use you.”.. i.e., selfish a-hole.
Unless you are having the occasional quickie where it’s hot, and you’re both on board, him pumping you like a jackrabbit until he finishes and sex is just over because he climaxed is mediocre and selfish.
Related Reading: How to Give AMAZING AF Oral Sex to Your Husband
9. You NEVER Org*sm
As I’ve mentioned in my 21 Best Tips For Better Sex With Your Husband, practices like Tantric Sex or Karezza don’t have org*sm as the main event.
It’s about connecting on a deeper, spiritual, and more pleasurable level than just experiencing the peak.
However, likely, you aren’t engaging in Tantric or Karezza sex because he climaxes every time, and you never do.
It’s one thing to enjoy sex and not have an org*sm sometimes.
However, if you never org*sm, he isn’t taking the time to connect with you, know you or pleasure you.
I have read that some women go decades into their marriage before their husbands get a grip, set aside their ego, and finally give their woman an org*sm.
It breaks my heart knowing some wives go decades or a lifetime without an org*sm while he gets his every time without fail.
A husband who genuinely cares about his wife’s sexual satisfaction cannot go through a lifetime of marriage without giving his wife an org*sm.
10. He Doesn’t Care That You Don’t Org*sm
Intimacy with a narcissist is generally one-sided.
It’s one thing if your husband loves you so much, and he’s doing everything he can to ensure you get your org*sm as much as you request.
However, it’s an entirely different story if he’s fully aware you aren’t enjoying sex and don’t org*sm and yet doesn’t give a sh*t.
He is selfish and cruel to not care about your sexual pleasure and experience; only someone exhibiting signs of sexual narcissism can fit this description.
If this is the case, your husband doesn’t respect, honor, cherish, or truly love you as a person if he genuinely doesn’t care about your sexual experience with him.
This isn’t even sex; you aren’t having sex; he’s using you to get off.
Sex is a mutually satisfying engagement between two loving and consenting people.
If he doesn’t care about your sexual pleasure, he isn’t prioritizing you or your marriage, only his sexual gratification.
This is close to narcissistic sexual abuse…eff that girl.
Decoding the Narcissists in Your Life
There are many different types of narcissism. Decode the types to better navigate the narcissist in your life.
Signs Your Husband May be Subject to Sexual Narcissism.
I hope this sex advice was helpful and enlightening for you. A healthy, loving, and pleasurable sex life can’t be without your pleasure and safety.
It’s extremely common for men’s general narcissism to expand into sexual narcissism.
Please know this article isn’t meant to be a diagnosis, nor if your husband is exhibiting any of these behaviors; he definitively has sexual narcissism.
Many men aren’t aware of their sexual behavior, and that’s why it’s so important to communicate where you are and how you’re feeling.
Sex takes two healthy and loving individuals who genuinely care about the other.
It’s about giving a gift to each other, not taking. Sexual narcissism and intimacy don’t generally mix well.
If your husband exhibits any of these toxic behaviors, he may have some sexual narcissistic tendencies, and all he’s doing is taking from you.
No wonder you don’t enjoy sex with him!
Remember, you are entitled to say no; he does not own your body, your pleasure and experience matter, and you can hold a high standard of him and respect for yourself enough to deem it inappropriate for him to receive sexual gratification from p*rn, Only Fans, or Instagram.
You deserve a healthy, loving marriage and a fun and pleasurable sex life. If your husband isn’t willing to work through any of these toxic behaviors ( many of which are domestic abuse and border sexual assault ), it may be time to evaluate your future with this man.
Please advocate for yourself and give yourself all the love you deserve that he isn’t giving you.
Most men don’t engage in this behavior and will love, honor, cherish, and respect you; there is no need to settle for selfish a**holes! A sexual relationship with a narcissist who doesn’t see an issue with their behavior is lost and doesn’t deserve you.
Sex in a healthy relationship is kind, patient, loving, and cherished.
Take care, my loves!