The process of trying to conceive (TTC), being pregnant, and birth is a roller coaster, and there is nothing like it.
It truly is a marathon and not a sprint.
Sometimes the excitement of it all can override the reality of it.
Everyone is looking for ways to increase fertility.
Let’s dive into vital game planning to set you and your partner up for success!
For starters, many people underestimate how difficult it is to get pregnant.
Since we see women getting pregnant on social media, it almost seems like baby dust is being bombed everywhere!
Can you get pregnant on your first try? Yes, I did!
Surely then, you will get pregnant with ease, right?
Wrong.
Not everybody will get pregnant immediately, and it could take some time.
Everyone’s TTC journey is different.
When trying to conceive(TTC), our health, age, and partner play a massive role in getting pregnant and maintaining a pregnancy.
Pregnancy is a Roller Coaster Ride
Many factors go into getting pregnant when you’re TTC and how swiftly it could happen.
Not only that but it isn’t discussed nearly as much how common miscarriages take place.
Roughly 1 in 4 pregnancies will end in a miscarriage.
Many women experience a chemical pregnancy when they are trying to conceive where they were pregnant briefly, so their bodies produce enough pregnancy hormones to provide a positive pregnancy test.
Unfortunately, the pregnancy is usually miscarried very quickly, so much so that most women never even knew they were pregnant as they still just got their period as usual.
That is how brief the pregnancy is.
Some women even catch this pregnancy because they are tested before their missed period, which results in a positive test at that time.
If they had waited, they never would have known.
This is why it can be discouraged to test before your missed period simply because it does result in a higher chance of testing positive for a chemical pregnancy.
Pregnancy and your TTC journey are two wholly separate but crazy roller coaster rides.
We often fantasize about getting pregnant quickly in a passionate and romantic romp with our man.
Easy, peasy, and fun!
The idea of getting pregnant or getting your partner pregnant is a hot one; let’s be honest.
TTC is a fetish for a reason!
But, this can sometimes cause people to obtain unrealistic ideas about the journey of getting pregnant and staying pregnant.
It very often isn’t the case couples get pregnant as I described.
TTC can often be long, drawn out, mechanical, stressful, and disappointing.
These can be incredibly draining and stressful for a marriage or relationship.
To make sure you stay strong as a couple as you ride out this journey together, I feel it is helpful to have some kind of road map.
Talk about your ideas, plans, and expectations.
There is a lot to consider before TTC.
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Set A ‘Trying to Conceive’ Time Line
I think it is wise to devise a set timeline for how long you and your partner are comfortable with trying to conceive naturally before looking at alternative options.
How long are you giving yourself to get pregnant before finding alternative options?
TTC for three months? or nine months? A year?
Trying to conceive takes many couples months, even years, to get pregnant.
It seems the only ones getting pregnant quickly are the ones who got pregnant accidentally, and it can feel infuriating sometimes.
I know it can sting knowing you have been intentionally trying to conceive for so long with no luck and your friend got pregnant with their 3rd kid as a complete whoopsie.
You are allowed to feel mixed feelings about your TTC journey and others’ TTC journeys.
Something that can help ease this uncomfortable envy monster from rearing its ugly head is having a set timeline that you and your partner both agreed on.
Trying to conceive won’t feel as disappointing knowing you won’t just be endlessly trying to get pregnant naturally forever.
That way, it feels less open-ended and never-ending.
There is an end, the one you and your partner decided.
Your trying to conceive timeline can be as short as three months or three years.
Knowing you have a time limit does make it feel less manic.
You can set a time knowing you will sexually enjoy your partner and being married to one another in the hopes that a pregnancy will occur within that timeline.
The pregnancy is a cherry on top of you enjoying your relationship and sex life.
Having a finite timeline in mind before trying to get pregnant can give you a plan for your conception process, which is reassuring.
You are acknowledging it may not happen right away, which is okay because you planned for it and have alternative routes in place.
It can feel genuinely discouraging when you are trying to conceive and defeating month after month, with no positive pregnancy test and no end.
Knowing you have a plan can ease this anxiety.
So, let’s say you have reached your time limit with no pregnancy.
What do you want your plan B to be?
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Discuss Fertility Treatments
Consider IVF
As much as it sucks, some women who are trying to conceive won’t get pregnant in their timeline.
It happens, and it’s okay.
Let’s say you tried everything from quitting alcohol, taking vitamins and supplements, eating clean, exercising, and enjoying your partner, and there is still no pregnancy.
Sometimes it helps to make sense of it by going to a fertility specialist.
They can test you and your partner to see if they can find out why pregnancy hasn’t happened yet.
I would consider talking to your partner about thoughts on IVF/IUI or using scientific and precise family planning.
This could be expensive, take months if not years, and be very trying on the body and relationship.
It is very tedious and sterile.
Having an IVF discussion in case of fertility difficulties is essential.
It’s good to know your and your partner’s feelings on the topic, and it’s better to discuss that before trying to get pregnant than when you have been endlessly trying for months.
Fertility treatment can consist of many synthetic hormones and no sex for months.
In general, these treatments can be taxing on one’s emotional and physical wellness, invasive, expensive, and can make you and your partner feel further apart instead of closer together in your baby-making process.
Unfortunately, going that route will take away from its magic, intimacy, and spirit.
There isn’t anything exciting for your man to have to masturbate into a cup at a doctor’s office in a leather chair so absolutely worn it has the imprint of ass on it, with cheesy pornos to watch.
Alone.
It also isn’t fun to get synthetic hormones injected into your abdomen by your partner every night, either.
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Consider Your Age
For women after age 35, IVF and IUI are less effective than they are.
For example, getting pregnant after 40 is much harder than getting pregnant at 22.
So there is a greater chance of disappointment.
Keeping that in mind, if IVF is the route you decide to take, try and do it sooner than later.
The older you get, the less the success rate becomes.
All in all, IVF can be a very grueling and expensive path for many couples.
You should talk about it before TTC to see where your thoughts lie on the matter.
You must consider you may not get pregnant as quickly or easily as you hoped.
Considering you may need to go the route of fertility treatments to get pregnant is just something you and your partner need to think long and hard about to ensure you get on the same page before your journey.
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If All Else Fails
Let’s say we tried IVF/IUI therapies and all the trying to conceive tips with no luck.
What is the third option, adoption?
This was a discussion my husband and I had before we married.
If, for whatever reason, when we were trying to conceive and we couldn’t get pregnant, would we be open to adoption?
Knowing you and your partner’s position on this is so comforting.
Would you and your husband be open to adopting if all else fails?
However, this can also be time-consuming, expensive, and emotional for everyone.
Make sure you both know where each other stands on this topic.
However, adoption is also a very long and expensive journey for most people.
Not everyone is open to adopting and is more adamant about having their biological kids.
Discussing this early on, though, could give you more time to marinate on the idea during your journey.
Family isn’t always blood.
Lastly, what if NONE of it naturally works with no IVF/IUI and no adoption?
It could have been years of unsuccessful attempts to become parents.
Would you be fulfilled if you couldn’t have kids ever?
Would you and your partner be okay if kids never happened?
It’s important to envision this reality because it happens often and unexpectedly.
Could you look at your partner and your life together and be happy and fulfilled with just you two and the life you build together if kids never become part of the picture?
Plenty of people more and more people are enjoying a child-free life!
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Have A Heart To Heart
My husband and I had this conversation before we even got married.
Although I knew we wanted to have a child, what if that couldn’t happen?
What if I couldn’t get pregnant?
We thought for a long time about what we wanted in our life together.
We realized each other. That was it.
As long as we had each other, we were happy and fulfilled.
We have seen friends struggle emotionally and financially with IVF, and the process generally was just not for me.
Having had multiple surgeries, one of which was emergency, I was over the cold, sterile world of hospitals, and there was just no way I wanted to undergo that process just to get pregnant.
My husband and I both realized our happiness wasn’t and never was contingent on if we had kids or not.
We loved our life together and were happy and fulfilled childless, so we knew we would be happy if we never had kids.
We decided once we got married, we would just leave it up to God.
Neither of us wanted to undergo IVF and knew we had forever to choose adoption since it wasn’t contingent on my fertility.
I would track my cycle, enjoy my husband and have fun together, already complete with each other.
I am in the minority when I say I got pregnant during my first cycle of trying.
We were in shock and honestly didn’t think it would happen like that.
We almost felt silly putting together such a planned and lengthy blueprint for our trying to conceive journey.
However, it made the surprise of getting pregnant quickly that much sweeter.
These are all crucial factors to consider and discuss with your partner before starting trying to conceive.
Having a game plan is key to having the best journey you can.
Plan for all the possibilities so that you’re not caught scrambling later.
TTC can be a long and grueling journey for you and your partner.
It’s essential that you are both there for each other physically and emotionally throughout this process.
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You’re In This Together
All in all, you are trying to conceive together as a couple.
You will experience the peaks and valleys, highs and lows, and the ups and downs of your conception journey, pregnancy and postpartum.
Working on pregnancy is just the beginning of a lifelong journey of parenthood.
Your time will come.
Whether through IVF, IUI, adoption, surrogacy, or you do it the old-fashioned way!
If you need some help with prenatal vitamins or thinking to yourself: I need to get pregnant this month; check out my 6 Best Pregnancy Supplements For a First Time Mom.
There are also loads of trying to conceive forums on What to Expect and Reddit.
However you do it, will be your own personal, unique experience in your own time and way.
At all costs, avoid the comparison game.
Nobody else is you, and you aren’t them.
No two TTC, pregnancy, postpartum, and parenting experience is even remotely the same.
Take your journey in stride as much as possible, and give yourself and your partner as much love and grace as possible during this time.
Good luck, ladies!
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