This post discusses the best tips for better sex with your husband.
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Would you be happy to hear what men want in bed is likely more out of sex than just him reaching his climax?
After a lot of reading, healing, and practice, my husband and I have mutually hot, super sexy, fun, safe, and loving sex 2-4x a week!
After being together six years, married going on 4 years, and the parents of a 2-year-old, you would think our love life had been torpedoed, right? NOPE.
We have more satisfying sex than ever before in our relationship.
As a result, we have never been hotter for each other. We are like Gomez and Morticia Addams(Angelica Houston is QUEEN). We’re so thirsty for each other, and I want that for you, dear!
I can’t wait to share these tips for better sex with you that helped me because everyone deserves a safe, loving, and pleasurable sex life with their man.
From ditching p*rn to tantric meditation, let’s get into the best tips for better sex my husband and I used to have an AMAZING sex life! Let’s awaken your sex spirit my love!
This post covers the best tips for better sex with your husband.
Tips for Better Sex
All in all, tips for better sex for both men and women are more than just reaching climax.
After all, if that was all we were after, in this day and age, we don’t technically need partners to do that.
With crazy creative sex toys or creepy realistic sex dolls, there has never been an easier time to satisfy ourselves sexually.
We still pursue a loving, satisfying sexual relationship with our partners because there is and always will be more to sex than just an animal act to us to receive maximum pleasure.
From spiritual sex to mutual satisfaction, here are the best tips for better sex.
1. Ensure He’s Pulling His Weight At Home
Too many husbands out there believe they are entitled to sex regardless of how you feel or how much you have going on.
It’s great that we bad-ass ladies are kicking ass and taking names in the workplace now, except we are still the primary caregivers and housekeepers most of the time as well.
That is way too much for one person to manage alone.
Even if you don’t work out of the house and strictly stay with the kids at home, he needs to pull his weight in parenting and housekeeping.
Keeping a full-time job doesn’t exempt him from being a parent and a contributing house member…it sure doesn’t for us women!
My husband, who was once the CEO of a company in Toronto, flew all over the country numerous times a week, doing 20-hour days, dealing with blood-sucking lawyers, and never being home longer than 35 hours at a time, says that parenting all day is 100X more emotionally and physically laborious than that ever was.
If you feel you are taking on way too much and the last thing you want to do is have sex with your husband, you are valid in your feelings. You are taking on too much.
For us, sex starts mentally, and if we are overwhelmed and burnt out, how the eff are we going to want to have any sex? It takes effort and energy, after all!
Please make sure you and hubby have equal responsibilities at home. He is not entitled to do less parenting and housekeeping because he’s a dude, and not to mention it’s simply a sexist attitude.
If he didn’t want to deal with the responsibilities of being a husband or father he shouldn’t have signed up for it. Welcome to the second shift hubby!
For you to have a healthy and flourishing sex life, ensuring he is doing his fair share of parenting and housekeeping, you will respect him more, feel closer, more like a team, and much more rested for intimacy.
Remember, sex isn’t just for him; you deserve a pleasurable and loving sex life as well.
2. Men Want Mutual Satisfaction
“They say it’s not so much the destination as it is the journey.” – Captain Jack Sparrow.
I bet you were pleasantly shocked to see this need so high on the list for men! I’m sure you were thinking:
“Oh, I’m sure physical release is probably the most important thing for a man sexually.”
Nope.
This is one of the more surprising tips for better sex; men care about the overall experience, not just the big O!
Although I am not denying the intense, biological need for men to have their sexual release, it isn’t the most important aspect for them to feel satisfied sexually, believe it or not.
Sex is more than just a physical expression for men; it’s the way they bond with us emotionally and spiritually.
This is one of the most helpful tips for better sex. After talking about this with my husband, he also validated this by pointing out factors in our sex life.
Sometimes, when we were practicing Tantra ( we’ll talk about this later! ), neither I nor my husband would climax during sex, but we both felt good and satisfied.
He said he loves our closeness and the physical touch more than anything, and he doesn’t even need to climax every time to feel sexually satisfied.
This is why this mutual satisfaction need makes sense.
If men want you to feel satisfied, and they can satisfy you, their climaxing is like the cherry on top of a fantastic dessert on a hot July afternoon!
Mutual satisfaction is one of the vital tips for better sex.
Related Reading: How to Enjoy Sex With Your Husband and Feel Sexy
3. Men Get Off on Getting You Off
Most husbands desperately want to satisfy their wives.
They want to know they put you in flushed pleasure while intimate with you.
Want to know how to please your husband?
They want you to enjoy yourself! Don’t fake it; actually enjoy yourself.
One of the tips for better sex is to enjoy said sex, girl!
In the book, 67% of men listed mutual satisfaction as their top sex need. Knowing they satisfy their woman in bed is their ultimate ego boost.
They can walk around with their chests puffed out, knowing they had you engulfed in pleasure while in their arms, and they love knowing they gave it to you.
It is downright depressing for a man to know his wife isn’t satisfied sexually or doesn’t enjoy intimacy with them.
It isn’t just about them getting off; they want to try hard to get you to climax and ensure you feel good, loved, and satisfied sexually.
However, this does not mean faking org*sms for the sake of stroking his ego.
Please do not do this; it will only confuse him more, leave you unsatisfied, and further separate you from intimacy.
If you have been faking, please come clean so you can mutually work on having a sexually satisfying sex life that works for you both.
This means being open and communicative about what you enjoy during sex (don’t leave it a guessing game for him). I promise he won’t do as good of a job as you guiding him to what pleases you.
If he is doing something that feels good, give him that feedback at the moment so he knows to keep doing it!
I do this with my husband all the time…in doing so, he is learning my sex menu of favorite meals and comes armed and ready every time!
That way, you both have mutually satisfying sex. One of the best tips for better sex is communicating!
Related Reading: How to Give AMAZING AF Oral Sex to Your Husband
Therapy Transcript
Here is a transcript from a counseling session with a patient Dr. Gary had that he used in his book The 5 Sex Needs of Men & Women:
Brian: “I’ve never felt so alone.”
Dr. Gary: “Why do you say that?”
Brian: “Paula and I used to make love all the time. Then we started to go for long periods without sex. Now we just don’t have it at all.”
Dr. Gary: “When was the last time?”
Brian: “Eight months ago.”
Dr. Gary: “Why so long?”
Brian: “I don’t know, for several months I waited for her to bring it up to show some desire, that she missed having sex with me. When I finally mustered up the courage to ask her about it, she said, ‘I just don’t need it.’ When I told her I did, she said, ‘Well, I could lie there and let you do your thing.’”
Dr. Gary: “And did you do that?”
Brian: “For a while I did, I needed a release. But it was awful for both of us. I don’t want sex with Paula if she’s not into it too. I need to know she’s enjoying it as much as I am. I need to know that I’m pleasing her and that she’s interested in pleasing me.”
As a busy mama, especially one with no village to help, I know how easily it is to put sexy time on the back burner.
We don’t experience the massive build-up of testosterone that men do.
This is one of the most important tips for better sex.
Yes, men need a physical release. The testosterone build-up in their bodies warrants this.
However, unless they are a selfish, narcissistic, self-absorbed a-hole that doesn’t consider the needs of anyone but their own (I am not denying those men exist), your man needs you to feel pleasure, emotionally close, safe, and satisfied sexually too.
Not all men are sexual narcissists!
Related Reading: 10 Signs Your Husband is a Sexual Narcissist
4. Never Give nor Receive Pity/Duty Sex
My loves, you can advocate, honor, and protect yourself when you are not in the mood for sex.
Here is one of the most empowering tips for better sex with your husband….you can say no!
In fact, relationships where a partner is free to say no without fearing the repercussions from their partner, are more likely to have mutually loving and pleasurable sex than those who always have sex out of obligation or whose partners pout or stonewall after being said no to.
You are allowed not to want sex every time and are empowered to say no.
Most husbands don’t want you to have sex with them if you’re not in the mood.
Don’t initiate or have sex if you don’t want to please.
You have permission to say no not tonight.
However, explain your position openly and honestly so he doesn’t stew over why.
Your husband is allowed to be disappointed and sad he can’t connect with you, however he isn’t entitled to your body whenever and wherever he wants, regardless of how you feel…this ain’t the 16th-century girl, and you’re welcome to remind him of that if he gives you a hard time…remind him you’re his wife, not his fleshlight!
Even before reading The 5 Sex Needs of Men & Women, I have had conversations with men virtually saying how their girlfriend or wife does a “starfish” where they just lay there motionless like a corpse waiting for their husbands to finish.
How is that remotely satisfying for either party?
Nobody wants to be given pity/duty sex or pity/duty sex, nor is that healthy. I see it so often in Reddit’s r/DeadBedroom forum.
The one giving pity sex starts to become repulsed by their partner.
Then, the one receiving pity sex feels gross because they know their partner isn’t into it.
This only drives them both further apart, not closer together—the exact opposite of what intimacy is supposed to do for a couple.
Nobody wants just to be used as a human fleshlight, and a good man would rather have sex with a fleshlight than a woman who would instead not be having sex with them.
This is one of the essential tips for better sex: you have permission to say no!
For the health of your spirit and relationship, no more having pity/duty sex!
*NOTE: You are allowed at any point during sex with your man to stop, for whatever reason. Do not continue sex you are not enjoying.
Before my husband, I would literally stop guys mid-pump and be like “yeeeeahhh noooo” and stop.
I do this now even with my husband if, for whatever reason, I’m just not feeling it (hey I’m human lol), and he can tell anyway.
Only have sex you want and enjoy my loves!
Related Reading: 10 Ways Porn Is Destroying Your Marriage and Sex Life
5. Making Love Makes Men Feel Like Men
A man who values your enjoyment and pleasure during sex genuinely can’t just use your body for his physical release.
Having sex with a woman who doesn’t want to be there is not enjoyable for most men.
This indicates that most men feel both parties need to enjoy it and be satisfied for their sexual relationship to be successful.
“A good sexual relationship is one in which both husband and wife experience satisfaction during lovemaking.”– Dr. Gary Rosberg
Gary has found in his many years of counseling that men feel the manliest when pleasing their wives sexually.
He found that nearly half of the men he has counseled align their self-worth with their sexuality. If he is good in bed and makes you feel good, that is the ultimate stamp of approval for a man’s worth. Crazy, but true.
Related Reading: 7 Practical Ways Parents Can Stay Sexually Connected
6. Men Love Emotional Connection
I didn’t think this factor would even be on the list! Do men want an emotional connection for sex?
What? Really? Yep! Ensuring you both have a tight emotional connection is one of the best tips for better sex in your marriage!
Contrary to what we have been beaten down into believing, men are very emotional creatures.
They rarely receive that much affection compared to us women and aren’t nearly as emotionally open or vulnerable with their dude friends.
They are hardly a shoulder to cry on and generally don’t have the emotional outlets we women have, such as our girlfriends and family members with whom we can be emotionally open.
Remembering that men are emotional beings and bringing that into the bedroom is one of the most enlightening tips for better sex.
Honestly, this benefits us ladies too. Most of us need a strong emotional connection to become sexually vulnerable to a partner.
The more emotionally connected we feel with our man outside of sex, the more comfortable we will surrender our bodies to them and enjoy each other.
7. Our Men Don’t Have Enough Emotional Support
Knowing we are a huge source of our man’s emotional connections and affection is endearing and makes us unique to them.
Only we can give them the emotional intimacy they don’t get anywhere else.
I’m not just talking about sex. I’m talking about nonsexual emotional connection. Yes! Men need this too!
One of the best tips for better sex is to marinate each other throughout the day!
They want to be marinated throughout the day, knowing you love them just like us! This is as simple as holding hands, winking at each other, snuggles, cuddles, gentle flirtations, cute texts, hugging, all these nonsexual connections men love.
Also, this is why men are so damn easily swept off their feet by some chick at work, believing they met the love of their life.
If their partner isn’t giving them simple, nonsexual, emotional connections, some rando at work will make him feel like he’s freakin’ Jude Law for simply complimenting him on his shirt that day.
So keep that in mind if you feel it’s been a minute since you’ve complimented him.
8. Less is More
One of the easiest tips for better sex is to give your man basic physical touch now and then.
Here is an example. This is a post from r/DeadBedrooms on Reddit:
“We were at a get-together, nice sunny day, all of us outside, and she (wife) walked up behind me and gave me kind of a side hug.
She put her arm around me and leaned against me for a few minutes. It felt really nice; it gave me a feeling I hadn’t felt in a really long time.
It made me think, and I’m pretty sure it’s been years since she walked up to me and initiated some loving touch.
I wish she would do it more often. It was one of those things that felt so good; it made me realize how badly I’ve been hurting.”
Straight up, all this guy’s wife did was a friendly side hug you would give to an acquaintance at the office dude. This made him feel amazing.
Just a simple hug and loving touch.
If you’re looking at tips for better sex, knowing men need a non-sexual connection outside of sex, just like we do, can do a lot for the bedroom.
We want to feel loved and wanted, and so do they.
Who would have thought tips for better sex would start outside the bedroom first?
9. Non-Sexual Intimate Touch
Keeping the love and excitement alive outside of the bedroom is one of the most effective tips for better sex there is.
It’s like you’re marinating each other for a fabulous evening together!
And ladies, I know you like being marinated by your partner; it gets us in the mood for sexy time later on!
These little efforts of non-sexual physical touch go a long way in making your man feel emotionally connected with you.
In general, these aren’t laborious expenditures in your day, but what it does take is mindfulness.
This means intentionally removing your mind from your daily autopilot setting to remind yourself to give your man little happy fairy dust throughout your day.
Here are a few tips for better sex to marinate your boo outside the bedroom!
- Morning hug or kiss
- Soft touch on the back of their neck or lower back
- Running your fingers through their hair
- Playing footsie
- Complimenting anything about them or what they have recently done.
- Say you are proud of them. This one is nice. We all want to make our loved ones proud; it makes us proud. So, hearing it feels excellent.
- Listen to them as they enthusiastically explain their fantasy sports strategy game plan, even though it goes right over your head every time. Just be excited he is.
- Snuggle while on the couch or in bed.
- Watch Dune or Halo with them even if you have no clue who everyone is or what’s happening; rolling a joint helps 😎.
- Take an interest in one of his interests; this works both ways. My husband finally watched an episode of Bailey Sarien with me, and now he enjoys watching with me, but I had to watch Monty Python in return!
- Honor what is essential to him, even if it seems goofy. Recognizing what matters makes him who he is and why he is unique.
You get the point. Give him that sweet, sweet loving is one of the best tips for better sex!
10. Men Have Feelings Too
Contrary to crappy cultural beliefs, we think men are just sex robots without emotions.
Men are far more emotional than we are!
Don’t believe me? How many hit songs are there named after chicks? Hmm? An EFF TON. How many hit songs are named after dudes? Crickets lol
80’s hair bands were all about the love ballads dude.
Men are emotional bunnies at heart.
Connecting with your man emotionally and his feelings are potential ways to help them connect with you and help them feel closer to you.
One of the most important tips for better sex is knowing all these small gestures to connect and turn toward your man sets the stage for excellent love-making sessions.
It’s slowly boiling you both up throughout the day.
These tell your man that you view him as a priority, that he is important to you, and that you love him.
All the things a man relishes in knowing how lucky he is to have such a fantastic woman who is so good to him.
If he is a good guy who doesn’t take you for granted, his mission will be to make you the happiest woman in his world and surrender to you.
“Like women, men desire to be understood, listened to, accepted, cared for, encouraged, and given attention. This kind of connection occurs when a wife seeks to learn what’s important to her husband: work, sports, his views, his often guarded emotions.”
“When a wife connects to her husband in these ways, she shows not only the value she places on the relationship but also the value she sees in him.”
Keeping this connection close increases your man’s emotional dependency on you.
An emotional attraction is what keeps a relationship alive and thriving long-term. We all want to feel close and connected to our partners. One of the more important tips for better sex for sure.
11. Men LOVE Emotional and Sexual Responsiveness
Statistically speaking, lack of responsiveness, according to John Gottman’s research, is one of the most significant indicators of divorce.
You can check out more on divorce predictors in my 9 Biggest Predictors and Reasons for Divorce.
The ratio in which you turn away or turn toward your spouse negates the happiness of the overall union with over 90% accuracy.
“Gottman’s research showed that husbands who eventually divorced ignored their wives’ emotional advances 82 percent of the time, compared to only 19 percent for men in stable marriages.”
” Women who later divorced ignored their husbands’ emotional advances 50 percent of the time, while those who remained married disregarded only 14 percent of their husbands’ bids.” – The 5 Sex Needs of Men & Women.
When we turn away from our partners most of the time, it communicates that they aren’t important to us, not a priority, and their wants and needs don’t matter. I can’t think of a better way to nuke a relationship than this.
This doesn’t mean you have to have sex whenever and wherever they want, regardless of whether you want to. That isn’t the point.
Giving into most of your man’s sexual advances is.
Part of these tips for better sex means you don’t have to respond every time, just most of the time. Men are physical beings, and sex is the main course for helping them feel close, like communication is for us.
We wouldn’t feel good if our man ignored our emotional needs most of the time.
We would feel unloved, not cared for, and like we don’t matter, and this is how men feel when we deny them sex too often.
For men, sex IS the way to connect with you emotionally and puts you above other women.
So, if you’re asking yourself: “how to turn my husband on?” Respond to his advances as much as possible and make him feel loved.
12. Be Mindful
One of the most vital tips for better sex is being sexually connected to your husband. When we reject sex every single time, they feel unloved, not cared for, and don’t matter.
As mentioned before, he is not entitled to your body nor should you have sex if you don’t want to.
Remember, one of the most weight lifting tips for better sex is being empowered to say no.
However, it isn’t fair for us to turn down our husbands every time and never have sex with them…especially if abstinence wasn’t something you mutually decided upon.
“The husband greatly desires response from his wife. She can give him this beautiful gift and delight in his heart.
However, judging from my mail and counseling appointments, many women do not understand how important, both physically and psychologically, the sexual relationship is to their husband.
They do not seem to realize that their avoidance of sex or their lack of response will affect their entire marriage in the most negative way.
To the indifferent wife I must give this caution: When there is no physical intimacy between you and your husband, whatever emotional and spiritual closeness you have had will tend to fade as well.”
-Ed Wheat
If you find yourself turning down your husband every single time and you are struggling to find the will and desire to connect sexually, it’s time to reflect on why.
We will get to it in a moment, but if you never are in the mood to sexually connect with your husband, there is likely an underlying issue in your marriage that is causing an emotional disconnect.
If you’re struggling to be close emotionally, it will definitely translate into the bedroom.
Keep reading and we will discuss how to move forward if this is your dynamic.
13. Make Sex A Habit
For many, a sexually satisfied man is incredibly loving, attentive, affectionate, and in a much better mood overall. I can attest to this.
Our first year postpartum with our daughter was very trying, demanding, and taxing.
Sometimes we would go nearly two weeks without being sexually intimate because we were tired. Even if we wanted to, we didn’t want to. However, we would notice a shift in our moods.
We would be short-tempered, easily irritated, impatient, and disconnected and would start to notice this.
My husband has a habit tracker on his phone. He keeps a goal for us to be intimate at least 2x a week and records it.
If we didn’t fulfill our goal, we set a time to be intimate within the next two days. After getting back in the groove, we always felt better.
I felt more connected to my husband; I would be more patient, even-tempered, and more balanced overall.
So would my husband. Not only that, it’s like a domino effect.
Once we got back at it, it was easy to keep doing it. We always surpassed our minimum goal, and our streak lasts years! But if we don’t, we could slowly get into a rut and notice the effects of it pretty quickly.
Tracking your sessions to remain consistently intimate is one of the best tips for better sex.
14. Having Sex Begets More Sex
Between books and forums, there seems to be a direct correlation between the longevity and happiness of marriage and the frequency of satisfying sex.
One woman had sex with her husband 7-9x a week and has been happily married for almost 40 years!
In contrast, in Reddit’s r/DeadBedroom forum, many miserable folks haven’t had sex in nearly six years. Many only have sex when their spouse wants another baby.
Being reduced to nothing more but a sperm donor sexually. What a blow.
In both scenarios, they are unhappy and wither away in their marriages, hoping it changes somehow.
“Satisfaction in your sex life is directly related to the frequency with which you initiate connection and respond to your spouse’s attempt to connect with you.”
After all, it is a particular activity reserved only for that special person.
It is incredibly exclusive, making your man feel like he is the VIP in your life and vice versa.
Knowing they reserve this act only for you and you alone feel special.
That is why cheating hurts so much. When someone else knows your partner intimately, only you are supposed to know is devastating.
Tips for better sex mean being as responsive as possible to your man’s sexual advances, which will help you feel closer and more connected. Spicing up the marriage you’re in to keep it alive and fun will do wonders for your marriage morale.
15. Ditch the P*rn
Now this tip, if you don’t take away anything else from this list, consider this and run with it: having your man ditch p*rn is LITERALLY one of the best tips for better sex.
P*rn seems to have given many modern men massively artificially inflated egos regarding their sexual prowess, sexual desirability, and actual sexual abilities.
If you have read my P*rn Addiction: 11 Recovered Addicts Share Their Stories, you will see how harmful p*rn consumption is for your man’s health and your overall relationship.
Suppose your man wastes his virility, masculinity, and sexual energy on internet p*rn instead of coming to you.
In that case, he won’t have as much left for you, which means less satisfying sex for you and him turning to p*rn again.
Once my husband and I quit watching p*rn, I couldn’t believe the difference in our sex lives.
I was way more attracted to my husband, and my husband felt the same about me; we crave each other constantly, and we can’t keep our hands off each other…we are honestly like love-struck horny little teenagers, lol.
Sparks fly in the bedroom…and girl LEMME TELL YOU👌🏽
We have been p*rn free for years, and I can honestly say its one of the most significant influential factors for why we not only are happily married but are more attracted now than we were when we first met and have way better and more frequent sex than our honeymoon stage when we were still both watching p*rn at the beginning of our dating days.
I’m NOT KIDDING.
Let me repeat, the sex I have with my husband now, six years into being with each other and three years married WITH A TODDLER, is WAY BETTER and MORE FREQUENT than it was when we were both child-free, had little responsibilities and tons of time to have sex with each other.
Our relationship was fresh, running on hormones.
I firmly believe if we both continued to watch p*rn like we were when dating, we wouldn’t have a healthy relationship sexually or emotionally.
We were already heading down that route when we were both early in our relationship and still consuming it, and I firmly believe we wouldn’t be together anymore if we were still engaged in our p*rn vice.
The science shows it’s challenging and a little wishful thinking you can have a physically and emotionally healthy and committed relationship, let alone marriage while consuming p*rn.
Fact to consider and what he experts say
“There are many other factors about p*rn use that can threaten a relationship’s intimacy.
First, intimacy for couples is a source of connection and communication between two people.
But when one person becomes accustomed to masturbating to p*rn, they are actually turning away from intimate interaction.
Second, when watching p*rnography the user is in total control of the sexual experience, in contrast to normal sex in which people are sharing control with the partner.
Thus a p*rn user may form the unrealistic expectation that sex will be under only one person’s control.
Third, the p*rn user may expect that their partner will always be immediately ready for intercourse (see Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski).
Fourth, some p*rn users rationalize that p*rnography is ok if it does not involve partnered sexual acts and instead relies only on m*sturbation.
While this may accomplish org*sm the relationship goal of intimate connection is still confounded and ultimately lost.” – The Gottman Institute
Studies have found that relationships where one party is consuming p*rn, are more at risk for cheating; they’re less committed than porn-free relationships and less satisfying…and that’s just the crappy effect it has on your intimate relationships.
I can attest to this; since ditching p*rn, my relationship with my husband has been more loyal, passionate, deliciously satisfying, and committed than during our p*rn consumption days.
Ultimately p*rn f*cks up our reward circuitry massively, leaving us highly stimulated and wanting more and more, taking us away from our spouse and making real sex not nearly as satisfying or exciting.
At the very least, it’s distracting you and pulling you away from the person you’re committed to.
Don’t believe me?
Make a pact with your husband to ditch p*rn for one month, and I guarantee you the results you experience will be AWESOME (given that your man isn’t addicted to p*rn and expects you to fulfill his sexual addiction now which you won’t be able to do.) We can talk about that more in the future.
If your man throws a hissy or poo-poo your suggestion to improve your sex life by removing p*rn, that’s a little concerning.
If this is his reflex, it’s imperative to have a p*rn conversation because he should jump at the opportunity to have better and more frequent sex with you, especially if it means no p*rn. It should be an easy swap to make.
And if he doesn’t, he’s prioritizing p*rn over the wellness of your sex life and marriage, and is likely a porn addict, no good.
Ditching p*rn is one of the best tips for better sex I’ve ever experienced. For more education on the devastating effects p*rn has on our men’s health and relationships, read Your Brain on P*rn.
16. Maca + Horny Goat Weed
When looking for tips for better sex, leveling up with a supplement is a great way to start!
I have been an avid consumer of Maca for over ten years now. Maca Root is native to Peru and treasured for its medicinal healing properties.
Maca has been known to help increase fertility by regulating your cycle and elevating egg quality. Not only that, Maca really gets those sexy juices flowing, meaning it turns you on, girl!
Maca is an excellent supplement for increasing your libido and is relatively fast, too! I noticed a difference after only a couple of days of taking it!
Since it helps increase libido and drives more blood to your reproductive organs, I’m pleased to say it will also make sex feel much better.
I use the 1500MG Organic Maca Root Capsules, and I love them. It also doesn’t hurt to get your man on a libido supplement. Men usually gravitate toward Horny Goat Weed.
Horny Goat Weed was used as an aphrodisiac in Chinese medicine to help cure Erectile Dysfunction in men. It helps regulate testosterone and increase blood flow ( including his manly bits ), both immensely help in the bedroom!
If you take Maca and your man takes Horny Goat Weed, you will likely have significantly more pleasurable experiences in the bedroom.
17. Cease Using Battery Operated Sex Toys
I know this one might seem counterintuitive.
Maybe you think the introduction and usage of sex toys are generally meant to help and increase one’s sex life, right?
Of course, this is just my opinion, so don’t shoot me; it’s okay if you disagree, but adding MORE sexual stimulation that isn’t from your partner is only a bandaid solution and not something that would help long term.
I realized the long-term goal is to need the slightest stimulation possible to feel fantastic because you’re so sensitive to the touch; that you’re on the verge of bursting with ecstasy from such tenderness.
Also, to bring you back to your man and bring you closer in mind, body, and soul.
Sex toys, especially battery-operated sex toys like vibrators, can f*ck with your sensitivity in your lady bits.
Over time, they diminish the pleasurable sensations you get from the rigorous vibrations of your toys.
This can quickly turn regular sex less satisfying and pleasurable.
Unfortunately, a human penis doesn’t have the mechanics involved that a vibrator has and will be less stimulating than a vibrator.
Honestly, It’s super frustrating how some doctors and sex therapists say it doesn’t make it harder to org*sm with actual sex, desensitize your lady bits, or disrupt your sex life with your partner because my lady bits totally became way less sensitive with increased usage.
I noticed a massive increase in sensitivity during sex with my husband after I got rid of my vibrator.
It didn’t occur to me that habitual use of a vibrator over time could cause my lady bits to build a pleasure tolerance.
I’m not saying they permanently numb your senses; our bodies, minds, and spirits are incredibly resilient and can overcome almost anything you are subject to. I’m proof of that.
I’m also not saying that just because I became desensitized over time from sex toys, you will, too.
What I am saying, though, is just like p*rn, the vibrator or any battery-operated sex toy desensitizes you, and it makes real sex less pleasurable and satisfying with prolonged use over time; I know; it happened to me.
Desensitization is common sense in overconsumption of anything, from cigarettes to alcohol.
One drink doesn’t give us the buzz it used to, so you drink more to get on that level because you’ve become desensitized to it.
It’s that simple.
So yes, they’re right in the sense that if you use a vibrator a handful of times, it won’t cause permanent nerve damage ( in most cases ).
Still, habitual usage could potentially desensitize your nerves to where you need more rigorous stimulation to reach org*sm.
All I’m saying is it’s something to be mindful of.
Desensitize for Heightened Sensitivity
When reading Bringing Up Bebe, which goes over the cultural parenting practices in France, it goes over the general sexual shifts parents go through after baby’s arrival.
One concept that is generally common knowledge and advised for French parents is only to use sex toys without batteries or forgo their usage. I was really shocked by this!
It sounded oddly progressive! Ceasing vigorous mechanical vibrations for heightened sexual sensitivity with your partner *mind blown*.
It occurred to me, how many non-battery sex toys are there?
You probably won’t find any on the market in the US without batteries for women other than a d*ldo.
P*rn, vibrators or any battery-operated sex toy may overstimulate us greatly and makes normal human sexuality and sex unsatisfying over time.
The solution isn’t more stimulation; it’s less, i.e., less is more.
Let’s detox our sexually overstimulated state and bring our human sexual senses back to such a sensitive state, one where your hubby gently stroking your stomach and working his way down your body with soft kisses will make you pulsate with desire.
Let’s be honest, if you’re a heterosexual woman, which visual begins to awaken your sexual spirit more: Your hubby vigorously rubbing your cl*t or your hubby slowly stroking your belly, breasts, gently kissing your neck, face and lips.
For most heterosexual ladies, we don’t get turned on by immediate, direct and rigorous stimulation via our cl*t…it usually takes a slower full body build up to awaken our sexual spirit first!
I remember when my husband and I quit p*rn cold turkey AND took a two-week fast from sex.
The first time we had sex after those two weeks, I was SHOOK at how good sex felt…like… it was INSANE.
I couldn’t believe how sensitive and sexually responsive my body and husband were, and I still remember that romp, man; that’s how good it was, at least four years ago!
If you want to have sex that’s so good you remember it for years to come, I PROMISE YOU, take a hiatus from sex toys along with p*rn, and allow your natural human sexual senses to come back to life! Mine did!
I’ve removed p*rn and vibrators from my sex life, and my husband gives me multiple v*ginal AND cl*toral org*sms EVERY TIME.
Ladies, isn’t that what it’s about?
Our men devour the Eff out of us because they think we are the hottest shit ever, giving us love, safety, and pleasure in return for surrendering our bodies to them?
That’s an essential piece of what makes a good husband, at least in my opinion lol
You deserve a man who is THIRSTY for YOU and LOVES YOU and ONLY YOU who you can have delicious sex with, girl!
18. Practice Tantric Sex/Karezza
Girl, if y’all haven’t tried Tantra or Karezza yet, get on!
Honestly, my loves, it could seriously awaken your sexual spirit and the floodgates of your sexual pleasure!
Why? The end goal is experiencing energetic, spiritual, and sexual bodily pleasure throughout the journey without org*sm being the main directive.
It’s literally slowing down and engaging in sexual exploration with each other.
It will help you and your man learn how to pleasure each other, understand what feels good for each of you and appreciate and enjoy the journey of sex instead of just trying to get to the org*sm.
Both are centuries-old practices that focus on building a connection rather than the intent of reaching org*sm.
Honestly, if your relationship is recovering from p*rn addiction, or you need a reset, taking a sex break and re-exploring your sex life as a couple with Karezza or Tantra is a great place to start.
My husband and I have practiced both since actively putting our sex life as a top priority, and it’s GREAT.
It truly felt like sexual relationship-building with my husband and myself.
I’m telling you, tantric healing is REAL, girl! Becoming tantric lovers during our journey for better sex was great. Let’s take a look at the characteristics of each practice.
Tantra
- Origin: Tantric philosophy is rooted in ancient Indian traditions and is part of Tantra, a spiritual system that originated thousands of years ago.
- Spiritual Focus: Tantra views sexual energy as a powerful force that can lead to spiritual growth and enlightenment. It emphasizes the integration of sexuality into one’s spiritual practice.
- Mindfulness and Connection: The heart of tantric sex involves being fully present at the moment, focusing on the connection between partners, and engaging in deep emotional and energetic intimacy.
- Breathwork and Energy Circulation: Practitioners often incorporate breathwork techniques to channel and circulate sexual energy throughout the body, fostering a sense of heightened pleasure and spiritual connection.
- Extended Sexual Experiences: Tantric sex sessions can be longer than typical sexual encounters, focusing on building and sustaining arousal and energy over time. ( We had tantric sex sessions for sometimes over an hour!)
Karezza
- Origin: Karezza is a more recent concept, developed in the late 19th century by Alice Bunker Stockham, an American gynecologist and advocate of free love.
- Emotional Bonding: Karezza prioritizes emotional bonding and intimacy between partners over physical pleasure. It is often described as “gentle intercourse” or “sacred embrace.”
- Avoiding Org*sm: Unlike traditional sexual practices, Karezza encourages partners to avoid reaching org*sm intentionally. The goal is to maintain a state of sustained pleasure without the peak of org*sm.
- Non-Focused Genital Stimulation: Karezza emphasizes a broader sense of touch and connection, focusing on whole-body sensuality rather than direct stimulation of genitals.
- Promotes Oxytocin Release: Karezza is believed to increase oxytocin levels, a hormone associated with bonding and affection.
Similarities
- Mindfulness and Presence: Both practices emphasize being fully present during sexual encounters, focusing on the connection between partners.
- Non-Goal-Oriented: Tantric sex and Karezza prioritize the journey and emotional connection over achieving specific sexual outcomes.
- Emotional Intimacy: Both practices encourage emotional intimacy and vulnerability between partners.
Differences
- Spiritual Component: Tantric sex has a strong spiritual component and is deeply rooted in Eastern spiritual traditions. At the same time, Karezza focuses more on emotional bonding and well-being within a relationship.
- Approach to Org*sm: Tantric sex does not necessarily avoid org*sm, whereas Karezza intentionally abstains from it as part of its practice.
- Historical Background: Tantric sex has ancient origins in Eastern spirituality, while Karezza was developed in the Western world more recently.
- Energetic Practices: Tantric sex often includes practices related to energy circulation and breathwork, which are not typically part of Karezza.
When my husband and I explored tips for better sex and one of our friends told us about Karezza, it was a game-changer.
Karezza really helped us detox from years of sexual overstimulation by p*rn and vibrators.
After the two-week hiatus I mentioned before, the first time we attempted sex again, we practiced Tantra and OMGoodnesss.
Girl, your whole body contains your sexual spirit, you just gotta give her the time, safety and space to let her wake up!
It’s all about slowing down and listening to your bodies.
It was truly the beginning of what would spark a marriage of the best sex I have ever had.
I 100% recommend looking into Tantra or Karezza and giving it a shot with your man.
There are different tantric positions you can practice that are amazingly satisfying.
You can take baby steps by trying tantric yoga for couples first to see if you vibe with the practice. A tantric org*sm for women is THE BEST.
Let me know if you want me to go more in-depth about practicing Tantra or Karezza!
Books I Recommend:
19. Practice Foreplay
Girl, you wanna have good sex? Engage in foreplay! Have your man slooooww the eff doooowwwwn.
Our hubbies get direct stimulation in a way that we don’t…meaning, he must take time and care to ensure your sexual pleasure and satisfaction.
If your man wants you to enjoy your encounters, he must take the time to slow down and touch you.
Whether you enjoy oral, nipple stimulation, or whatever! Communicate what you enjoy and how he can boil you up.
Not quite sure what you like or what to ask for?
Hugging and snuggling in bed is a super easy and great place to start. Hugging for one minute releases oxytocin and endorphins, or the love hormone to help us bond.
As a result, your blood pressure lowers, your stress levels decline, and it helps you relax.
In turn, this can help you open up sexually.
Then start kissing…you know, like those hot-ass heavy makeout sessions you had when you were dating?
That is foreplay girl! Just cuddling and kissing together while being light and playful with each other without the expectation of sex happening can actually get you in the mood for sex.
If your man genuinely loves you and cares about your experience, he will happily slow down and give you the loving you need before the main course.
My hubby always takes his time on me before we get to the main event.
In doing so, penetrative sex always feels better, and my reaching org*sm is much easier and more imminent.
So please, girl, communicate how you want him to treat you. Sit back and enjoy your appetizer!
If your husband claps back with some BS tripe like “Ohhh I don’t like foreplay, I don’t want to do the lovey dovey stuff let’s just get to it,” Homeboy just booked himself a reservation to the doghouse.
I’m not even saying he has to give you oral or anything like that. Still, if he genuinely cares about your sex life, he should be happy to connect with you using soft, gentle caressing hugs and kisses on your body and bringing tenderness to you… actually to connect with you.
If he doesn’t want to take the time for you, he’s using you for his sexual gratification, and yours is just a burden that can be kicked down the road. No good.
Do not have sex with a man who doesn’t give a sh*t about your pleasure or experience, not even your husband, okay?
Sex is not just for his pleasure, it’s for the spiritual, emotional, and pleasurable connection between husband AND wife.
A husband who doesn’t care about your sexual experience with him or pleasure is a d*ck…and a husband who blames you for your lack of satisfaction is an insecure a-hole who needs therapy.
If he doesn’t care about your pleasure, that’s his problem, not yours, which is likely sex/p*rn addiction and sexual narcissism.
Check my 10 Signs Your Husband is a Sexual Narcissist to see if you find any commonalities in your husband.
20. Heal Your Heart
I know this one seems strange, but it’s super helpful.
We all carry around hurt, trauma, and toxicity from our past and especially our childhoods.
Even if these traumas aren’t necessarily sexual, they can interfere with your relationship with yourself and, therefore, having a satisfying sex life with your man.
The more I underwent my therapy and connected with the spirit of my inner child, or God, whatever you want to call it, the more I felt confidence, security, and enjoyment in my sex life with my husband.
Those with a higher spiritual frequency have been found to have more frequent and satisfying sex than non-spiritual or religious people.
This makes sense because it elevates sex from simply an animal and mechanical activity to simply achieve org*asm to a deeply spiritual and nourishing one where you both get fulfilled from the journey together.
The greater my connection with myself and my inner child (my divine guidance), the better I can advocate for my wellness, boundaries, safety, and pleasure, including you.
Take some time to reconnect with your spirit and do some relationship-building.
The Inner Bonding Workbook has been God-sent for my healing journey.
Inner bonding requires you to connect with your divine guidance, i.e. God i.e. your inner child. I’m not talking about joining a religion or converting.
I’m discussing nurturing your relationship with your purest form, inner child, soul, and spirit.
In essence, you will learn how to parent and love yourself the way you never received it.
Envision that little girl you used to be…she is your inner compass, divine guidance, and barometer for your health and wellness.
Many of us (including me) are all broken and traumatized children operating in adult bodies…carrying around toxic learned behaviors to help us survive childhood that no longer serve us and often sabotage us.
If you’re disconnected from God, or if that word makes you cringe, your inner child; that little girl that still lives within you, having a healthy relationship with anyone in any way, not just sexual, will be extremely challenging and painful.
The longer we go carrying around the hurt and abandoning our inner child, the longer we are going to suffer in all aspects of our lives, especially the sexual relationships with our husbands.
Your inner child, that little girl that lives in you and is your purest and most loving form is worth nurturing, you are worth nurturing!
After all, the best relationship you have is with yourself!
The healthier and more loving spirit you have within you, the more present and passionate your sexual sessions will be.
It’s like what my love RuPaul always says “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love anybody else?”
21. Evaluate the Quality of Your Marriage
Sex is the fruit of a healthy, loving, and trusting marriage. As women, our hearts leave before our bodies.
If your sex life is struggling, it may be because something is bothering you within the foundation of your marriage. A less-than-satisfying sex life is generally a symptom of a sick marriage.
How sick the marriage is, you will have to evaluate. If your heart, soul, and mind keep you from feeling loving and close to your husband, please look into it.
Great sex doesn’t fuel a great marriage; a great marriage flourishes into great sex.
Therefore, if your heart’s not in it, find out why.
For instance, do you not feel heard in your marriage? Do you feel your opinions don’t matter?
“When women don’t feel heard, and instead feel as if their opinions are not as important as their husbands, their marriages are twenty-six times more likely to end in divorce. Twenty-six times.” – The Great Sex Rescue
That is a huge disparity girl. If women don’t feel their opinions are given the same respect and weight as their husbands, sex fades, and marriages suffer.
This is just one example of how an unhealthy marriage dynamic outside of sex can nuke your sex spirit.
Please journal and reflect on your marriage to see your current dynamic and if you need to make adjustments.
Tips for Better Sex
Whooo! Sorry that was so long girl!
Sometimes we think that the hormonal blast we receive at the beginning of our relationships will fuel our sexual intimacy forever with little or no effort.
However, experts have found the sexual honeymoon phase can only fuel your sexual relationship for so long. Two years max is what they found.
After that, everything is more effort to stay connected intimately and sexually.
You no longer have the help of hormones flooding your body with a novelty partner, keeping this fresh and exciting.
Bring into your marriage, work, life, kids, stress, bills, in-laws, all this into the mix doesn’t exactly make being in the mood easy.
Everything has to become intentional and mindful, but it doesn’t have to be a chore.
Being intentional in maintaining a satisfying sexual relationship for both parties is worth it for your happiness and health!
These sex tips for better sex aren’t meant to make you feel inadequate or you should put out for your husband when you don’t want to.
These tips for better sex only work if you both want a more satisfying sex life and are willing to do your part in that mission.
Developing a tantric connection to having mind-blowing sex multiple times a week takes time, patience, and cooperation from both parties. Good luck!
