This post reviews the benefits of putting your marriage first and why Aeysha and Stephen Curry put their marriage first.
Ayesha and Stephen Curry are a modern powerhouse couple.
Steph Curry has made a name for himself as one of the most influential professional basketball players.
Ayesha Curry has made a name for herself as a chef and manufactures her own Ayesha Curry cookware set!
With all the going ons, one probably wonders how they do it all.
In an age where many adults and parents pride themselves in sacrificing the well-being of their marriage by putting the kids above all else, Ayesha and Stephen Curry do the opposite.
Ayesha and Steph Curry pride themselves on putting their marriage first.
Unlike those parents who say:
“ My kids come first; my wife is a close second. We never needed a babysitter as we always managed to have their mom or me watch them.
“ Ultimately we ended up divorced, but my kids come first. ”
As if they feel proud or noble that their marriage slowly bled out due to “putting the kids above all else.”
I’ve heard women and men say this.
How their kids come before everyone else, including the companion you chose to spend your life with long before the kids came.
I know people mean well when saying these things, but it’s a bummer.
Ayesha and Stephen Curry follow no such philosophy.
They have three kids, have been together for 19 years, and have been married for 11, happily!
Yep, you read that right.
They have been together happily for nearly two decades and are kicking ass and taking names in their marriage.
Their ability to grow into such a successful and happy marriage is admirable, considering their youngness.
Is the key to a long-term happy, successful marriage with kids simply to put the marriage first? Spouse first? The health and wellness of your marriage first?
Maybe because, ultimately, the state of your union dictates the whole family’s health, wellness, and happiness.
It makes sense to me!
This post reviews the benefits of putting your marriage first and why Ayesha and Stephen Curry do just that.
Complacency in Marriage
Husband is Shocked Overhearing Wife’s Phone Call
We can’t just passively expect our marriage to thrive while actively neglecting it.
However, this husband thought he could.
Here is an example: This is a post from r/Marriage on Reddit:
I really fucked up, and I’ve been fucking up, and I’m afraid I didn’t realize it until it was too late.
I (30’sm) put work, parenting, and money over my marriage to my (20’sf) to the point where I’m not sure it can be saved.
For the past few years, we’ve always been arguing about her not feeling good enough and how I don’t give her the love and support she needs.
She felt like a nanny and a maid rather than a wife.
For years I told her everything I did was for her and the children and that I was doing my best.
We had other things to worry about than our marriage and to get over herself because I didn’t see her as any of those things and that I’m supporting a whole household financially so that was my main focus.
Then came the last few months.
She stopped her nagging. She stopped rejecting my sexual advances.
She’s stopped having an attitude or complaints.
She started putting more focus into the home and having a hobby.
I thought it was an utter relief. Until I overheard her on the phone an hour ago with her sister because I was supposed to be napping. “
Wife’s Phone Call
“Hey, do you want to go out to so and so’s July 4th party with me? We can double date.
” You know we don’t have anybody to babysit. Besides, it’s not like ( OP-Husband) would want to go with me anyway, or he’ll just be working, so in the end, I’m not going anywhere.”
“Wow. That sucks.”
“Yeah, but he hasn’t wanted anything to do with me as a person in a long time.
Unless he’s fucking me or he needs me to do something for him or the kids, I don’t exist.
Then again, I honestly don’t care anymore. I’m not anything special anyway, so why would I expect anything from him?”
“Don’t say that. I think you’re special and amazing.”
“If that was true, then maybe I’d be worth more than just keeping house and having babies to him.”
“My heart fucking broke. She doesn’t think I value her.
This is the love of my life. How the fuck do I fix this? Is there any way I can do anything to stop her from feeling this way?
I never realized I had done such damage.”
Not Prioritizing Your Marriage
This happens when you prioritize your kids, work, or projects entirely above the fulfillment of your spouse and marriage.
Time and time again, I hear people proudly say they put their kids/work/hobby over their partner, and you know what?
They wound up divorced shortly thereafter.
Why wouldn’t they?
If the health of the marriage suffers because of an unbalanced prioritization of parenting or work, it will end.
This is a modern parenting culture called martyrdom parenting, where you sacrifice yourself, your happiness, well-being, or your relationship/marriage for your kids.
Unfortunately, this guy is learning the hard way.
We can easily take our spouses for granted if we aren’t careful.
Ayesha and Stephen Curry on Their Marriage
“When Our Relationship Is Good, The Kids Are Happy”
Ayesha Curry is a cookbook author, a television personality, and the wife of NBA player Steph Curry.
They both lead successful lives outside of each other and create magic in their union together.
Ayesha and Steph have three children, will be together just short of 20 years next year, and have been married for 11 years.
They both got married younger than most people, at 22 and 23.
Considering they got married so young, they are kicking ass in their marriage.
Super honorable and respectable to make it work and thrive in their nearly two decades together.
On their own, they were still thriving, but together, they brought each other to the very top and helped each other reach their dreams.
That is what marriage is about, and I am convinced a considerable portion of their marital happiness and success is due to their prioritizing their marriage above all else.
Ayesha Curry said this:
” When you become a parent, you want to put your kids first, and we do, but we do it second to our relationship.
Because ultimately, when our relationship is good, the kids are happy, and they’re thriving, and our family life is good.
We have to put that into perspective and realize that it’s not us being selfish; it’s making sure we set a strong foundation. “
Ayesha and Stephen Curry seriously need to consider writing a marriage book on their tips and tricks on staying happily together as long as they have.
Take my money!
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The Grass is Greener Where You Water It
Ayesha and Stephen Curry do an admiral job watering their marriage’s super green pasture.
They have flowers, bumblebees, bird baths, everyone’s pollinating, and even fairies all up in their pasture. It’s so green, lush, and healthy.
Why is it so healthy and green?
They show up to water and tend to it every day.
There is no point in trimming the leaves of a plant to keep it healthy if you never water it, give it sun, or even rip the roots out from under it while still expecting it not only to live but thrive.
You can keep trimming the leaves all you want, but the plant will die without the TLC it needs to thrive and survive at the base.
Putting your marriage in the backseat to your kids doesn’t put your kids first.
It doesn’t help you, your spouse, or your kids if you aren’t nurturing yourself and your partner to keep your marriage healthy, thriving, and strong.
Putting your spouse behind the kids is a recipe for resentment and jealousy.
I always see it in relationship books, relationship forums, and marriage Reddit threads.
So many partners feel replaced by their children, which creates resentment toward the kids and bitterness toward their partner.
A dynamic Ayesha and Stephen Curry try to avoid at all costs.
A Breeding Ground for Entitlement
If, according to your child, nobody else’s happiness or needs matter other than theirs because they learned that people live to serve them only, they will learn that the world revolves around them.
A sense of entitlement can breed, and boundaries aren’t a concept they will understand.
They will expect this treatment from everyone.
I saw a Reddit post about this circumstance on the /Parenting thread.
Mom and dad put their daughter’s needs above their own and catered to her every beck and call.
They never said no; they withered away, keeping her happy since it was never enough.
They grew apart with their child’s demands since she kept wanting more.
A sense of boundaries was never learned or the concept that her parents have needs and feelings and are individuals separate from her.
It bled into her social life as she started to have difficulty making friends because she was demanding, impatient, bossy, and lacked boundaries which didn’t make any kids want to play with her or be friends with her.
She learned that people are objects that serve her, not separate people that deserve to be happy and also cared for.
All in all, mom and dad were struggling to undo this.
When putting your marriage first, like Ayesha and Stephen Curry, you tell the kids that they aren’t the center of the universe.
Therefore, kids are raised with a healthy sense of boundaries and respect for their parents and adults in general.
Don’t Let The Pendulum Swing Back Too Far
From ” Kids are Better Seen, Not Heard” to ” Spouses are Better Seen, Not Heard.”
Ayesha and Stephen Curry believe that putting your marriage first is best for everyone, including your kids and spouse.
However, we often get caught up in duties, projects, and vices.
Think about it, anything that takes precedence over your marriage, whether it be work, video games, a project, your kids, or another family member (MIL demanding time, I’ve seen this a lot), that takes time away from your partner does not in any way help or serve your union.
It generally weakens it till the partner who’s put second leaves.
This happens often, and a broken, bitter end with a family split only makes it harder for kids.
That’s why prioritizing your happiness, well-being, health, balance, spouse, and marriage IS prioritizing your kids.
What good is a car if there is no gas in the tank?
Having a healthy, strong, and happy union is exceptionally beneficial to your kids.
They get to see their parents go out of their way to help each other; they see two happy, healthy teammates working together toward the common goal: To have a happy partner, a thriving marriage, and happy kids who benefit from such a solid happy union.
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Don’t Over Correct
Marriage and Family Therapist, Charlie Bloom, author of 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last, had this interview with Fatherly, saying this;
” There’s definitely a strong cultural bias toward favoring or prioritizing the needs of children over the parents.
I’m not sure exactly what the source of that is, but it might be a reaction from previous generations where the opposite was the case, where kids’ needs were put on the back burner and they were better being seen and not heard.
It’s gotten to the point now where parents are judged and ostracized if they don’t accommodate and even anticipate and provide for kids’ needs over the needs of their relationships.
The danger of that is that not only will the couple’s relationship be neglected, which in most of these cases where there’s a lot of helicopter parenting going on, that’s the case.
But the other thing is that children grow up with the expectation that the world is going to indulge them, which creates a sense of entitlement.
We deal with this quite a bit because parents pick up this cultural bias toward favoring the needs of children above everyone else. “
More or less, don’t let the pendulum of our past swing back too far.
Our generation tends to be extreme and polarized in their way of thinking and overcorrecting instead of finding a middle ground.
That is what we see happening here.
Parents are sacrificing their well-being and the well-being of their marriage to indulge their kids.
Leading to more unsatisfied marriages than ever ( not surprised ) and more broken homes.
There is little to no downside to parents working together to keep their marriage strong; it will only positively affect the kids.
Like Ayesha and Stephen Curry said:
” When the relationship is good, the kids are happy.”
What kid doesn’t want to see their parents happy and in love?
Interesting Parallel to Soaring Divorce Rates
From “To Have and To Hold, In Sickness and In Health” to “My Husband is a Grown Man That Can Take Care of Himself!”
A poll was taken in one of my marriage groups asking who came first in their marriage.
Unsurprisingly, 65% said they put their kids above their spouse, 25% said they put their spouses first, and 5% said it is equal.
Although, in the comment section, there was overwhelming support for people who put their marriage first, which was pleasant to see.
Unfortunately, I also saw snarky comments such as:
” My husband is a grown-ass man, and he knows it. He can take care of himself. ”
I’m sure that’s the attitude of a long and successful marriage!
What is the point of marrying if this is your attitude and the dynamic you prefer once kids come along?
Your spouse’s wants and needs shouldn’t become null and void simply because you became parents.
That isn’t the message we want to model to our kids, that we aren’t people with needs but only vessels to serve them.
Think about it this way, how would you feel if you got a call from your adult son/daughter saying they feel invisible in their marriage ever since the kids came along?
Would you tell them to suck it up because that’s how it is?
Or that it’s an incredibly unhealthy dynamic that can’t sustain itself long-term and that they deserve to be fulfilled and happy in their marriage regardless of their parental status?
Live and lead the type of marriage you want your kids to be in, like Ayesha and Stephen Curry.
Living Like Roommates
With 60% of divorces occurring due to “irreconcilable differences,” seeing that most couples put their spouses after the kids, work, parents, and the dog, they would wind up divorced!
This could be why the marriage satisfaction rate plummets for so many people after kids come into the picture.
Their marriage isn’t nearly as important anymore.
In Reddit /Deadbedroom, many users coin the “irreconcilable differences” as code for :
” My husband/wife hasn’t touched me in years, we don’t hold hands, intimacy is non-existent, and I don’t want to live like a wall painting.
Everyone just walks by me unnoticed forever as I collect dust until I die. “
Many partners feel like nothing more than roommates. These are marriages without kids too.
Either things get stale, or the kids are just at a super oppressive season in their development that leaves you tapped.
Putting your marriage first, like Ayesha and Stephen Curry, and prioritizing it as the precious union that it is, will give you a marriage worth being in for life.
You prioritize what is important to you, and marriage is extremely important.
It Doesn’t Take Much
Little acts of intimacy can put a lot in your emotional tank.
Physical touch is scientifically proven to boost our immune systems, boost the bonding hormone oxytocin, and feel-good hormones endorphins.
Physical touch is powerful. Seriously.
Whenever I cuddle with my husband in bed, I feel all the happy hormones popping off like fireworks.
I feel so warm, comforted, safe, and loved.
We fall asleep like that a lot.
As a result, we feel closer, intimate, and bonded.
Not all intimate physical touch is sexual.
Most of it isn’t.
Here are some examples of intimate physical touch:
- Holding Hands
- Lightly Rub Shoulders
- Light Touch Around Waist
- Light Touch of Hand or Arm
- Scalp Scratch
- Lightly caress (non-sexual) your spouse as you walk by them.
However, sex can act like a swiss army knife to quickly get you all connected if you feel distant.
If you both are on the same wavelength, are missing each other, and want to reconnect quickly, a nice sexy romp can help reignite those sparks if you push back on your initial tiredness from the day!
You will feel much more connected and will be happy you did it.
You can tell how connected Ayesha and Stephen Curry are in their marriage, and it’s terrific to see them soar as individuals in their excellent marriages.
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We All Want to Love and Be Loved
Everyone wants to be loved and cared for.
That doesn’t go away simply because you are an adult or a parent.
Ayesha and Stephen Curry understand this incredibly important variable.
Being an adult or parent doesn’t mean you no longer deserve this love or care from your spouse either.
This also doesn’t mean you drop everything to only cater to your spouse.
There is, however, room in between:
” Nobody matters but my kid, and I will throw away everything that matters to me for them. “
” Nobody matters but my spouse, and I will throw everything away that matters to me for them. ”
Let us practice getting better with balance and being centrist.
We don’t have to take any extremist viewpoint or position.
Like Ayesha and Stephen Curry do so well, is always more balance in the middle!
Children of Divorce are More Likely to Divorce Themselves
Consider this fact too.
There was research done at the University of Utah in regard to marriage in children from divorced families, and they found:
Children from divorced parents are at least 2x more likely to fail in their marriage and wind up divorced too. If both parties come from divorced parents, it becomes 3x more likely that their marriage will end in divorce, too, as opposed to couples who come from intact families.
Assistant Professor Wolfinger of the University of Sociology Department said this:
“ It is certainly good news that people are less likely to stay in high conflict marriages than they used to.
However, ending a low-conflict marriage may hurt children as much as staying in a high-conflict family, and the odds of divorce transmission are highest if parents dissolve a marriage after little or no conflict.
Divorce is an important topic because it has so many consequences for well-being.
Its transmission between generations adds a whole new dimension by perpetuating the cycle of divorce.
The divorce cycle, in short, can be thought of as a cascade. Ending a marriage starts a cycle that threatens to affect increasing numbers of people over time, a sobering thought in an era when half of all new marriages fail. ”
If you want your child to have a chance to maintain a long-lasting happy marriage like Ayesha and Steph Curry, it is paramount that you model this by maintaining your marriage, given there is little to no conflict involved or at least no adultery, abuse, or addiction.
Set the stage for future generations and fight for your spouse and marriage as much as humanely possible.
Your kids will notice.
Live and model your marriage how you want your child to live and be treated in theirs.
They learn through modeling and by example.
If they witness you loving on each other, being happy, honoring and respecting each other, and going out of your way to make your spouse feel loved, appreciated, and seen, they will not only expect anything less than this treatment in their marriage but will also treat their partners in the same way.
A long-lasting, strong, healthy, loving marriage will increase your kid’s odds of having the same!
The children of Ayesha and Stephen Curry will also have long, happy, fulfilled, and super successful marriages where they reach their dreams together.
Your Happiness and Relationship Matter Too
For the Kids
Don’t base your marital decisions on whatever you deem ” putting the kids first “ is.
It works both ways.
Don’t stay in an abusive, toxic, incompatible, or unhappy marriage “for the kids” sake.
You do not need to stay in an unhappy or abusive marriage under any circumstance.
Likewise, don’t neglect your marriage and spouse ” for the kids ” sake.
Prioritize your partner’s well-being as well as yours.
Your and your partner’s happiness and wellness will bear fruit for your kids.
Your union came before your kids; your kids are a product of your wonderful union.
Ayesha and Stephen Curry believe so too.
Do What is Best For Everyone, Not Just Your Kids
Now there are expectations for every rule.
If that means ending the marriage that is a toxic environment for you both, and once separated, you are both happier and healthier for it; you are putting your kids first.
My parents used to pass us off at our grandparents for a weekend to enjoy themselves doing whatever!
It’s important to remember you are individuals outside of being parents.
You were also a couple before you became parents.
You deserve to nurture yourself, your spouse, and your marriage.
Parenting is an all-consuming job.
You don’t need to martyr off your relationship or yourself for your kids to be happy and prosperous.
You and your partner’s wants and needs don’t automatically become null and void simply because you have children to take care of.
Your happiness, health, needs, and you matter; this applies to your partner.
Teaching our kids about our wants and needs will show them we are also humans who need to be loved and cared for to be happy and live.
Other people have feelings and need just like them that don’t involve them.
Kids want their parents to be happy.
Nobody likes seeing their parents hurting or fighting.
They want to see their parents as friends, companions, and in love.
Partners in Crime!
Striving for this dynamic is what putting your spouse first is all about.
Ayesha and Stephen Curry Kill it at Marriage
When everyone feels prioritized, loved, and cared for, that will reap harmony and balance in the household where everyone is happy, not just specific parties.
Our kids, us, and spouses deserve to be cared for and happy.
I am not saying I am an expert on how to have a long-lasting and successful marriage.
Ayesha and Stephen Curry would be a wiser party to consume from!
( Please write a book, guys, seriously! )
After all, I have only been married for two years together for 5 (2022).
However, I can say that we have only gotten stronger and happier as time goes on in our union.
We are stronger, and closer, and have never been more in love or attracted to each other.
Not even the honeymoon stage! That was child’s play compared to the intimate vulnerability, closeness, and attraction we have now.
I may not have all the answers to maintaining a happy marriage.
However, I do have a good idea of what nukes a marriage, and we can at least start there!
I can’t say I know we won’t get divorced; there are no guarantees after all.
I can guarantee that I will fight to have a long-lasting happy marriage by putting it first.